A High School Baseball Web message board classic!
posted January 02, 2002 10:54 AM
I think I'll start a Southern Recruiting & Showcase Service:
Bubba's Baseball Bashers Bonanza, LLC.
We'll hold ten (3-Day) events a year at a cost of $499.99 per event to the participants.
We will guarantee that you will be seen by a professional scout and a college recruiter;
listed on our website, which is fully accessible to every college coach in the nation that
has the time to surf the internet for his players;
Bubba's Best Bashers tee shirt;
Furnish you a place to stay (better bring your own sleeping
bag and pillow); feed you once each day (hope you like pinto beans, cornbread, & onions -
plenty of sweet ice-tea):
And a signed baseball from Bubba himself.
For a modest additional fee of $99.99 we will put you on The Bubba's Best Bashers List (throw in another $50 [cash only] and get in the top 100) . For an additional $49.99 we will send you a copy of this prestigious list (scouts/recruiters only have to pay $19.95 per copy).
Attend all of our events will automatically place you in the top 100 and we will send your Player Profile to every major league club in the USA with a special letter from Bubba himself recommending you as a quality player.
Our events will be played on the best outdoor facilities (available) in the following places:
#1- Chalkville, Alabama (Hittin'In The Lines Showcase)
#2- Smackover, Arkansas (Hittin' Homers Showcase)
#3- Ball Ground, Georgia (Fieldin' Grounders Showcase)
#4- Slaughter, Louisiana (Run Up the Score Showcase)
#5- Guntown, Mississippi (Radar Gun Special Showcase)
#6- Cement, Oklahoma (Runnin' Showcase)
#7- Gloverville, South Carolina (Catchin' The Ball Showcase)
#8- Ducktown, Tennessee (Dodgin' Them Heaters Showcase)
#9- Cut and Shoot, Texas (Tern The Double-Play Showcase)
#10- Blue Mound, Texas (Gettin' Shelled On The Mound Showcase)
We accept cash, money orders or cashier's checks only made out to Bubba's Baseball Bashers
Bonanza, LLC. Absolutely NO REFUNDS.
Hurry while we have spots available! Sign up for all ten events and become a Golden Bubba
Basher. This exclusive honor will entitle you to extra beans and cornbread, extra straw in
the barn loft, use of the outhouse (w/ moistened corncobs) instead of the designated tree and
$1.95 off each event bringing the grand total to only $4,980.49 for the complete package -
what the hey, just make the check out for $4,900.00 even. AND, you will be automatically
added to the Bubba's Best Bashers List in the top 100 and receive a FREE copy of the list.
WHAT A BARGAIN?! Better hurry and sign up, before the limited number of players is reached.
Addendum 1: There will be plenty of room in the adjoining pastures for vendor booths. Call
me for prices at BR-549.
Addendum 2: We will not accept food stamps, "shine", eggs, chickens, hogs or possums as payment.
posted January 02, 2002 11:10 AM
Where do I sign up?
posted January 02, 2002 11:33 AM
I would consider sending my son, but I noticed there is no ravioli on the menu.
posted January 02, 2002 12:02 PM
Dear Bubba's Baseball Bashers Bonanza, LLC,
Are there any discounts for fathers who only have 6 teeth? Or a family rate for 10 kids?
Pinto beans, cornbread, & onions - plenty of sweet ice-tea, can we substituts a few more beans
if we bring our own drink (a little "shine")? Now that's what I call a four course meal! WooHoo!
Do you have financing available for the whole package, say 15 years?
Hey, u my cousin?
posted January 02, 2002 12:22 PM
What scares me so much is that someone from Tennessee might send a check.
posted January 02, 2002 12:36 PM
According to Bubba no "shine" will be permitted at our showcases due to what we feel will be
a heavy turnout among the three states of Tennessee (East Tennessee, Middle Tennessee & West
Tennessee). It would be far too exciting for the outsiders and yanks. We also will require all
guns to remain in their racks in the pickups.
Bubba said that only single branch cousins would count in any discounts to be given. If you
are on a fork you'll have to pay full price. The single branch alone will probably cost him
several thousand dollars in profits.
He also said he would accept gold teeth as partial payment IF they are proven to be genuine.
There will be a ten kid discount. All after #9 will be free until you reach #16. Sorry, he
said we cannot allow more than 15 from any one family.
Just your asking about ravioli would disqualify you for the southern showcases.
You may get applications by calling BR-549 or emailing me and I'll get them to Bubba for you.
posted January 02, 2002 01:17 PM
Bighit is wrong! We ain't got no checks up here in Tennessee. Would you take that ole blue
tick hound in trade. Full Cry magazine got ole blue ranked # 2 in the state. American Cooner
got him at # 7 but there's a lot of politics with American Cooner. Probably cause we didn't show
up at their trial hunt. Them trial hunts don't mean nothin anyway, it's how they do in the swamps that count. I'd put ole blue up against any of 'em!
If you ain't got no problem with us setting up a booth and making a little minnow money, I'll
bring some more of them sweetgum ball and sell 'em as porkeypine eggs to them fellers from Texas.
My youngest boy's been telling me about some new fangled bats made out of metal, reckon they'll
be any show up with them out of town people?
posted January 02, 2002 01:22 PM
How about a compromise.
We'll bring our own ravioli, and when we get there - we'll stuff 'em with some of them
pinto beans. Sounds like good eatin to me.
P.S. That soggy corn cob thing aint gonna happen though.
posted January 02, 2002 01:57 PM
Fungo my Buddy,
We might work up a trade on ole Blue, but we'll need to field test him first. We don't need
another slop dawg around here, but if he'z rated that high by Full Cry he might be worth
somethin'. Is he rated by Bugle Buyou or Hootin' Holler?
I've heard bout them metal bats. I don't thank they'll ever catch on though.
Might want to bring a few Hedge Apples with ya to the booth. With a little red paint you can
paint seems on them and sell to the yanks as some of them yeller softballs.
It will be okay to bring some that ravioli stuff as long as you don't try an make others
eat it. And I don't know about wastin' good beans on that stuff.
And, we would never soak any corncobs at our events cause they's lethal weapons when
throwed properly. I still remember when Billy Bob hit Bobby Joe with one in the head. Ain't
been right sense. Billy Bob was one of those 100 mile and hour throwers. We only supply
lightly moistened ones sprayed in pure spring water (gotta good spring close to the still)..
I wouldn't be surprised if somebody sold the idear to one of those big companies up nawth.
Anyways, if ya desides to come let me nowe soon. I'm sure these quality events will fill
up fastern a scaulded dawg.
Xzekutiv of Bubba's Baseball Bashers Bonanza LLC (some lawyar here in Lickskillit put that
LLC on it to make it look perdy)
posted January 02, 2002 06:23 PM
Sure hope theys no age limit. My boy is still in hi schuul, but some folks sayn he's a bit old.
Turned 22 last week.
And the beans better be the pinto style, none of them northern beans. Can't believe there be no
collard greens listed. Or at least fried green tomatoes.
As for ole blue, he wouldn't be the same hound that got my poor duchees in the family way would
he? I saw an old hound when i wuz rocking on my porch swing and lo and behold I got a litter
comming any day. Not that i care, ceptun i could get some good money beins he's rated and all
As for them there metal bats, thems just a novelty.
posted January 02, 2002 09:01 PM
..reading along there until I came to the beans, cornbread, and sweet tea....and I could
almost taste that tea......
and then after the corn cob session a few days ago, they had to reveal that they actually
have a moistened version.....
What will they think of next?
DO NOT LET BEENTHEREIL FIND OUT ABOUT THIS SHOCASE!
I would hate to see that report.
posted January 03, 2002 01:38 PM
Thanks for the grate response to our 1st ever showcasin' events. Already got started on
the 2012 Bubba's Best Bashers List due to some early $$ (and a few brown jugs).. I'm findin'
that makin' money is eazier than I ever dreamed 'cauz there folks everwhar wantin' to showcase
"Little Billy Bob".. 2002 looks to be a promisin' year at Buzzard's Roost thanks to all you
kind suc... errrahhh.. I mean folks.
Send the boy on..long as hez past the 6th grade..don't want any special ed folks cauzin'
its hard to get them any attention except 'round Nocksville and them giez said thaiz 'bout
out of tuitors to take test and do them reports.
Pinto beans only out our showcasez..nuthin' but the best..never could choke down them nawthern
beans anyhow...collerds will probably be out of season in most places we gonna showcase, but
we'll try to get the green 'maders on the menu..I'll have to check with my money guy and see
if we can absorb the addition expenses (green 'maders and also the extra corn cobbs [hey this
feller ain't one brick shy of a load when it comez to making a $$ 'causen I can figur those
hidden expensez - I know what them green maders will do to the fellas])
As for Ole Blue and all the soon to come baby Blues..You'll never get ole' Fungo to fess up
to it..If he did he'd want some sort of stud fee, soze if I'z you I'd keep it on the hush-hush
fer now, but I'd let everbody know they had a daddy that wuz "listed" .. that'z sure to help
sell them..Earlier I'd never have suspected one of my good buddy Fungo's dawgs duin' setch but
after I read one of them other forum posts I heard someone sayin' he wuz spendin' time whar the
"dear" play..some of that kinda stuff is bound to wash off on a fellers dawg, I guess.
As I sayed before we ain't takin' no food stamps..leave it up to a Nockvillian to try and
bend the rulez.
"Mr." Grand Pooh-Bah,
I still ain't seen the check yet. I thawt you said it would come about the same time as my
welfar check did. It'z probly lost in the mail. Sense all this Amthrax scare the mail seems
to be messed up round Lickskillit. I'm sure it'll get here sooner' or later..if it wasn't
the Amthrax itta'd be another UFO sitin' on the mountain..them folks at the Lickskillit post
office are alwaze holdin' up my check in thar mail. I still ain't figured out why that Amthrax
train is such a bother to them post office folks.
Preciate the link to that history and health class spot on this here intranet. I knowed you'd
have us covered thar..them yanks need some edjucatin' when it comes to outhouse ediket.
Had a coach wunce who we nicknamed "Corn Cobb" fer just that reason. I know all ye have
herd about that guy names Ty Cobb, well we had our on Cobb - Corn Cobb. Accordin' to him
he'z just as good as that other Cobb too. I hurd him say once that one cobbs as good as
Fungo, you might need to go an see "bighit" 'cause I'm still not sure he'z got the full
pixture here. You NEVER take the cobb to the shed till all the kernals are ett' or else
its too slick to be of any use. Might even throw it in the yard fer awhile and let the
chickins' and critters ett on it awhile before its ready for the shed. I thunk everbody
Well gotta go see if tharz any more money in the mailbox. Keep it comin' dum....errrrahh..
I meanz buddies. We here in the Bubba Baseball Bashers Bonanza LLC 'preciate all that $$
cumin in to suplyment our guvernment cheks.
Cheaf Xzekutiv of Bubba's Baseball Bashers Bonanza LLC
posted January 03, 2002 04:25 PM
Just got back from the mailbox and the money keeps rolin' in...maw and I decided to go
ahead an git that yat weaz been wantin'..all thanks to the overnite success of our new
business...thanks to all..
posted January 03, 2002 04:47 PM
That looks like Jolly Roger's house settin on two big ole canoes. Where you gonna put that
thing, on the Black Warrior? Looks like a cross between a catamaran and a runabout. Whada
you call that thing? A catabout?
posted January 03, 2002 04:48 PM
I guess, that movie about those guys huntin an floatin down the river was true! Remind
me to never float down the Ten'see river in Alabama! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
posted January 03, 2002 06:25 PM
Heres a suggestion:
Slap a picture of a goomba with a mustache and a chefs hat on the side of that floatin
thing - name it Bubba's Italian Grotto - and you are off to the races pal.
You wont have to worry about hosting showcases. Youll be rich - quick.
A floatin Italian restaurant - Im lovin it.
posted January 03, 2002 09:08 PM
Speelin' and pronounctication correshion for you.
It's "eyetalian"! Do you have any good recipes for that there lasagner made with ramps
Ahhhhhh .... nothing like cooking up a batch of fresh ramps to make you forget that
the dog had an accident on the living room carpet the night before!
If you do not know what ramp is please leave this thread immediately. Thank You.
posted January 03, 2002 09:28 PM
Maybe "Bubba" will have a event at Cosby. Can you imagine Ramps and Pinto beans? Kinda
makes your eyes water. Bubba won't take my food stamps, I'm thinking about trading my
"Gold Bond" or "Green" stamps. The only other thing I have of value is my coal mine script.
How about a invited "Orange" walkon?
For the ones that don't know about ramps, click
Cosby Ramp Festival
posted January 03, 2002 09:46 PM
I know chitlins - and I can throw them bad boys into the "lasagner" for you, but them ramps
Ive never heard of before.
On the other hand - if them ramps are good enough to make me forget about the dog stuff,
Ill throw them into the "lasagner" and woof them down too.
posted January 04, 2002 06:17 AM
Bubba & Fungo...
Justa studing ..hows uall knows weuns live on da lake? as 4 u smartins it's da cathouse.
I just love this site !
The Jolly Roger
posted January 04, 2002 07:46 AM
I’ve been doing some ciphering. You are going to have an impact all over the south. With
that many rich Yankees com’in into Bama and Misssippi everyone can make some money. Send
‘em a map with the rout drawed out and then call your sheriff friends so they can be wait’in.
I can see new fire trucks all over the south. Don’t forget the money to be made at the
boiled peanut and fireworks stands. My cousins’ been real busy makin’ up more of them Elvis
drivers licenses. He wanted to make them Elvis plates but they said they were behind and he
had to stick with the regular ones.
Tell yer buddies to slow down on the rebel flags. They ain’t sellin real good any more.
I guess everybodys got one.
We gotta be careful, them Yankees are purty sharp. The last one that came thru here went
back and started makin plastic out houses and renting them out for weekend ball games. I
ain’t lying! Must not have many trees up there.
I think you might have over extended youself in one area. You advertizd that you was gonna
sign some baseballs. We might have to git one of them Yankees down here a little early to
help us with that one. I went to Mr. Gilmore’s house, (his grandaddy used to collect baseballs)
and bought six of his best baseball. Fella by the name of Babe Ruth done signed all of ‘em,
so I painted over his name. They look kinda old so you might not want to sign those, just use
them for practice.
I can see that statue now. Colonel Bubba wearing your bombers hat and settin on a horse right
in the middle of court square. I can tell my grand kids I knew ya!!!
posted January 04, 2002 08:16 AM
Those plastic outhouses, they blue with that lil chimny? I seen'm all the time, used
to be one right in front of my house, now its nex door infront of a brand new house,
I guess they wan us to get use to this indoor thing, with a handle. Hey they's even
paper in there, whereas I kin rite down my thouts.
posted January 04, 2002 10:43 AM
....it finally hit me where to suggest to put this "special" post.
We need a new comedy forum. Fungo and Bomber should be the moderators.
posted January 04, 2002 01:14 PM
YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAWWWW!! The male box is full agane
today..I'z can't believe therz
so many idi...errhhh..I mean good folk out there willin' to come to our showcasez
and showze off Little Joe Bob. Hot dangit' Maw and me iz movin' on up just like that
song sayz. Wez been lookin' at realastate 'round here soze we can move out of the traler
park..what ya'll think about the one we pick'd out??
Dangit'...stop be so cheep..I'z gotta pay fer the new place and I Kaint do that with
no Grean Stampz..and no Oreja walkonze ether!
I still dont no about you..you shur is hung up on that lazager stuff..1st you wantz
to rurn some good beens and nowz you want to rurn some guud chitlinz' with that mess..
Whatz the wurld cummin' to? Furst I hered 'bout My Guud Buddy Fungo chasin' them "dear"
and now I hered youz' runnin' a "cathouse"..I'z trulie shawked..
I wood be very 'preciutiv if youz stop givin' everbody new idearz about fude fer the
menyu..yuz gonna cause my expensez to go up considerble if you keep tawlkin' bout chitlins,
ramps and setch...next you'll wont to add crawwfish an blackbird pye to it or a chaw of
backy afterwerds..I no yu're the Big Cheze and setch of this intranet site, but you gonna
rurn a gud thing with all those new fangled idears of yorn..SSSSHHHHHHHH... I'z tryn to
make a killin' ...errrhhh..I meen a livin' hear..
Tuz My Ole Buddy Fungo,
I hope yu got Ole' Blue tiyed up in the bakyaird 'cause he semz to be makin' some rounds
with the nabers dawgz.
Me and Maw diskussed the sittiachun' bout whar to park the new yat. We herd 'bout the
place ole Burrt (Ranawldz) haz down in Pawlm Sprangs and mite take us a trip down'aire
to check it out. We thaught we would runner down the Tawm Biggbee into the Big Missisipi,
then down to Batun Ruge fer a spell. After that we'd taker on down the Guff to Pawlm
Sprangs fer tha winter..whatya thank?? Park this sucker rite besidze ole Burrtz place
and rub elbows with a reel movee star..wez gotta lot in commun' sinse wez both drived
Big Rigs and run "shine" thru the hills..
Wez thawt bout namin' the yat - Ethil Mae after Mawz grate granny - rest hur sole..
she made the best "shine" round Lickskillit til the shute out with the revuwers back
in '68.. fowned out hur shine runs the yat engin' too, but with all this new incum
cummin' in we'r not gonna wayste sum guud shine on runnin' the yat..we'l jest by sum
at the fillin' stayshen (or mite sifer sum outta ole Burrtz yatt )
I still aint foun' no guud place to mownt the trollin' moter for bass fishin'..I thawt
bout call ole Bill Danz an see if he'd have an idie or too.
The way I figur' them yankz is gonna cum rite thru Tennisee an you awtta be the 1
to overseez the tick...errrahhh..I meenz traffic sittiachun..tale them fellerz in
Brirewuud, Buullz Gap, Krab Orchurd, Estill Sprangs, Hallz Crossrodez, Leeperz Fork,
Red Bowlin' Sprangs, Sale Kreek, Strawwbery Planez, an White Bluf that I'll be spektin'
summ kinda cut dew to it beein' my idear and setch..
I seen them plastik outhowzez beforn..them yankz is alwaze steelin' guud idearz from
us suthern jeenyussez..
I alsoze hered bout that Babe Ruth Feller beforn..I still Kain't undertstandin' any maw
naemin' a boy youngin' Ruth, but it kould be like that boy name Sue that Jonny Kash is
alwaze sangin' bout in that song of hiz. The boyz bownd to have grone up fitin' and setch
cawz of it..or I figur he mite have been named aftur them kandy barz that luuks like...
errahhh..well what ya leavez in the outhows..never will ferget the time Cleetus put one
them thangs in the appill bobbin' wash tubb at the county fair...nobodeed bob fer them
appills..when Cleetus bobbed fer the appils and kame up with that thang in his mouth
everbody went to pukein'..best show at the fair that yere..
Do ya reley thank they mite build me a statchur down on the town squair in Lickskillit?
It'z alwaze been a dreem of mine to be rite thar beesidze ole Stownewald Jaxsun with a
basebaull bat in one hand and a Rebel flag in the uther...I gess it what dreeze iz fer..
Thanx agane to all ye folx thatz makin' this all possiball. Keep them dollerz cummin' in..
Yornz best Guud ole boy,
Cheef Xzekutive of BBBB, LLC
posted January 04, 2002 07:07 PM
I notiz this must be a new home seeinz there aint not a single car about yet. Don't see
no vermin eether. That's a good thang.
It's an awfull big place too. I spect ya'll plan on havin some reltivs livin which ya.
Peers ta be nuff room we could save us some dough. No since sleeping in the back of the
pikup when ya'll got all that extra space.
My boy can cut some wood for ya in paymant. He does pretty good with that axe longs no
body's standing too close. Cut off his Pa's finger once but it was just his little one -
don't need it for nothin no how.
Sure hope them law folks take a liken to you real quick. What with them pipes I see -good
thainken pipen it right down the mountain. Better oughta share some of that with them boys
in badges - that be what you call daplomaacy.
Had that litter of pups last night. Hopen ya'll take one for paymant of my boys fees.
What with the pups bein pure bread an all. And their pappy's on them there lists too.
And just causin I like yas I'm gonna throw in an xtra.
At this point in the thread Bubba seemed to disappear (possibly to go and get that yacht
he and "maw" was a hanker') and an fellow by the name of Legg
made one of the best posts this web site has ever seen!!
Follow the link below to that post:
Advice For Players and Parents