Underwear is totally unnecessary.
When shower and toilet turn colors, throw straight bleach on it and like new.
Eating Pizza bones out of neighbors garbage is really not that bad.
Stay away from tequila, it is not an alcoholic beveredge, IT IS A DRUG.
Never use your roomates towels, better to air dry if needed.
If you have a girlfriend..your busted!
There are 35 different ways to make a hotdog
ANYTHING will cook in a mini Fry Daddy
When your parents visit, don't clean the place. Their pitty will result in extra cash.
Don't let your friends drive your car...EVER!!
If beer is advertised on TV, then its out of your budget. Go with the case that cost 1/3 of name brand. It all flushes the same in the end.
Never let your landlord enter premises without notice. OMG!
Do not report your car stolen too quickly....give it a few days, you will find it.
Do not miss your girlfriends graduation because of the campus wiffle ball world series.
Bisquets and gravy is cheap and good
Stealing beer from frat houses is dangerous
If you are renting an old house, don't touch any of the mechanical stuff in the basement.
Get to personally know the Dean of your major. Find a way, make him/her your friend, its easy and worth it.
Get to personally know your professors, it makes a diffrence.
If you need to "borrow" a reference book from the library remove the strip from the binder.
Don't call campus police Barney Fife to their face.
Be nice to employees of campus food joints and cafeterias. Big dividends.
Stay away from parties hosted by wrestlers or rugby players. They think they are tough and are looking to prove it.
Stay away from the political students.
Be nice to the campus bum
Do not brand or tattoo while intoxicated.
Body piercing should be left to professionals.
That hot chick in your calculous class is a bi-otch, don't even try.
Stay somewhat sober when things get out of hand, someone will need your help.
When you go home to visit, don't rush out with friends to quickly, take some time to visit.
When looking for a good science project, you will find it in the lower back right of your fridge. It will contain around 4000 species of bacteria, multiple colonies of molds, a thriving habitat worthy of a Discovery Channel Episode. Use it, your professor will be elated.
Your landlord is your enemy
There is a few off the top oh my head....
"Clear the mechanism"