Fellow coaches:

I'd like to get your input on a situation that I'll have to deal with next year. I will give a little background information to set the stage.

I'm in my 13th season as head coach. 12 winning seasons before last year; we finished 8-16. Part of it was talent, part of it was coaching and part of it, I believe, was lack of dedication on the part of the players. Every year, I feel the kids (in ALL sports) do not put the emphasis on dedication and being at all practices and games that used to be present. Last season, we had a ton of kids miss a ton of practices/games.

So at a preseason meeting with parents and players a month or so ago, I impressed that on the players and parents and told them we were going to tighten things up. That I felt it was important for players not to miss practices/games unless ABSOLUTELY necessary...singling out family emergencies/deaths, personal illness, SAT/ACT testing, other varsity/JV sports. And I let them know that missing for unexcused absences could result in a player not making the team, or being dismissed.

Now today, I get a letter from a mom explaining that they were going to have an 80th birthday party for her mom a couple of months ago, but due to her brother having a heart attack, they needed to reschedule it....they opted for the first weekend in April, which would mean their son (who they say is required to go) would miss a league game and a DH on Saturday. They indicated they have dozens of family members coming in from several states, and that this is the best weekend they could come up with.

The player is a decent player who would most likely make the team otherwise, and in fact would likely be a starter. He's a Junior.

I'm torn. On one hand, it does seem that it was due to a fluke situation that they picked this time, and they certainly have addressed the situation. On the other hand, I feel like I have to make a stand and let our players know that other than emergencies or completely unavoidable circumstances, they are not to miss games. And if they will, then maybe they would be better off giving up their spot to someone who WOULD NOT miss practices for, what is essentially, a family get-together.

I'm sure that I'll get strong opinions both ways, and ultimately I'll have to make my own decision, but I do appreciate other coaches/parents putting in their 2-cents. Maybe your input will help me make the best decision I can make on behalf of that player, and more importantly, on behalf of my team.

Thanks in advance for your input.

Ask Grandma.

I totally feel your pain because I get this all the time myself. Kids today are not as good at commitment as they used to be and they stink at prioritizing things.

I would say let him go to see grandma. She has more years behind her than she does in front of her - even if she lives to be 100. I don't think you would look weak or backtracking if you let him go either. This could be considered a family emergency because of the other family member having the trouble (can't remember what it was).

I don't think you can really argue with family commitments. I tell my guys only three things are more important than baseball - family, church and school. Now if family, church and school keep causing someone to miss then we need to sit down and talk about whether baseball is important enough to them. If this other stuff gets in the way they need to give up something. Maybe even baseball.

A couple of years ago we pulled two upsets and won our district tournament which put us into the regional tournament the next week. After the first game in the district tournament this kid comes up to me and said he was going to miss the rest of the week (meaning district championship and practice leading up to regionals) to go to the beach. I asked him if his parents would let him stay with another family member so he could stay. He tells me he wasn't going with his family but a buddy of his. I was dumbstruck. I looked at him and said you make the decision you think is best for you - go on vacation or stay with your team. Needless to say he went on vacation.

We are practicing on Sunday for our game in regional on Monday. Some of the guys asked me about this kid because he called them from the beach to find out what I was going to do. I told them he was not allowed back. He calls me late Sunday night crying saying I was kicking off the team. He could not understand he quit the team.

My point is I don't think I can tell a family when to take vacation. Surely / hopefully they are smart enough to play around the season but sometimes the job won't allow for that. If this kid had went with his family I would not have been happy but I can't stop it.

Now I do control playing time so if this does happen Little Johnny might not be playing for sometime or he is doing some running when he comes back.

Let this kid go and sit him for a game or have him do some extra running. Explain it to the team because more than likely they will understand.

It's not perfect but it pretty much works for me.

honestly, with as much notice as they've given you in advance....I don't see the problem. I'm assuming they won't be missing any other dates, give him a pass....but explain your position clearly that this exception is not habit forming.

I'm a mom, not a coach but my 2 cents thinks that: 1)Family comes first
2)Mom gave you 5 months notice on this so it give you plenty of time to plan around this missing player.
3)You could make a rule that a player will sit X number of innings for a missed practice or game and stick to this- no exceptions.

As a parent, if a coach makes rules and enforces them equally I have no problem with it. If this kid is a good player and you sit him, the rest of the team will see that you mean what you say.

Did you do anything last year regarding absent players? If players were missing games and practices and still getting to play... that was where the problem started.

I'm as big on committments as anyone. I've made my kids stay with travel teams even when it became apparent that the coach was not going to live up to the commitments they made.

Having said that, I feel that family events have to have a priority as long as they are not too frequent and enough notice is given. I don't have a problem with the player being penalized - maybe something like sitting a game for each game missed. But, I would not agree with penalizing a kid by not putting him on the team.

Think of all of the unforseen circumstances that kids on your team will have and that you'll have to work around: A death in the family, injuries, academic issues, etc. Most kids would probably rather play ball than go to an 80th anniversary, even for a beloved grandparent. They would think their grandparents would understand if they weren't there and are probably begging their parents to let them stay with a friend that weekend, etc. But on this one, Mom is right. Many sacrifices are made by families for the sake of their children's activities. One weekend shouldn't hurt.

TCB1,
I tend to agree that a family situation as described should deserve some slack and a little "go with the flow"

a few follow up thoughts - as I can't visualize the timing on interference if fam is coming to your town

from my experiece with family coming to town I really can't see the opening game of the DH being in jepardy at all (Uncle Joe will just have gone to bed at dawn).

bump the DH up an hr, drop the mom & Grandma a note saying you'll make a "happy 80th" banner for Grandma, and get extra seating for the fam ... stock the concession stand and pray it doesn't snow

birthday party 4pm til ??



Bee>

The solution in my eyes is simple---have them bring grandma to the game--she may never get to see him play again---as well as all the guests and after the team wins both games they can return to the house for the big party


When I ran the town youth leagues I heard the same thing regarding Mothers Day---I told them it is a great way for the grandparents to see the child play and then return to the house for dinner et al---we always had the largest crowds on Mothers Day

quote:

Originally posted by BillBill:
I'm as big on committments as anyone. I've made my kids stay with travel teams even when it became apparent that the coach was not going to live up to the commitments they made.

Having said that, I feel that family events have to have a priority as long as they are not too frequent and enough notice is given. I don't have a problem with the player being penalized - maybe something like sitting a game for each game missed. But, I would not agree with penalizing a kid by not putting him on the team.

Concur.

For those saying bring Granny to the game - she may not be physically able to do so. Or she might. Good idea with which to approach the family, however.

If this event is in town, is it necessary for the boy to miss all three games? Seems unlikely that the bd party will last that long.

I agree that with the notice and reason given, you should probably work this out to let the kid miss the games. I also agree that inviting grandma and family is a good idea if the get together is in your town.

I coach summer baseball, and conflicts are a fact of life. Some coaches don't allow players to miss any time, or they'll be dropped from the team. Others allow a couple excused absences with advance notice. It IS a large problem, but one that has to be dealt with. I can't speak for others, but I excuse kids who are taking their "senior trips", as well as family vacations that I'm notified of in advance. The other big conflict, and one I believe all coaches should welcome, is kids missing for things like Area Code, Perfect Game National, and a few regional things we have in California like the North-South (high school summer all-star game) and Bay Area World Series (another invitation only showcase with heavy college coach scouting). If a kid is missing for those reasons, I think you have to support it, if you believe that we're doing this for the boys who play. We simply carry larger rosters in the summer to deal with these issues. That way, everyone can get time off when appropriate and everyone can also get plenty of playing opportunity.

On the other hand, I don't condone kids missing because they have "other things to do" such as the beach, GFs or other activities they'd rather do than baseball. In those situations, time on the bench is warranted, or turning in one's jersey.

This is a never ending problem with no easy solution. In this circumstance, I'd let the kid attend but would note that he isn't guaranteed anything when he returns regarding playing time. Some other player is going to play in that game and that player deserves consideration.

Our family used to have a family reunion which was also my Grandfather's Birthday celebration. He raised all of his family since his parents died in a flood. I missed that reunion one time for a baseball game. My Grandfather died a couple of weeks later. Again, I'd let the young man go.

In an event such as you described, I would let the kid go. I think family is very important and I like the advance notice you were given. As far as trips or vacations (and I am assuming you are talking about spring break)..I believe you allow a few days at the beginning for kids to go be with family and then bring them back for games or practice on about that last Thurs. or Fri. before the next week. I simply tell the kids that consider anything during practice and game times that unless they would appreciate showing up to play or practice without coaches present, we expect them to be there. When you leave, you give up your spot. It will be up to the new starter to stay in that spot, or play his way out of it. But again in this situation I let him go and start the next player and let them see if they earn the starting job.

Sorry, but this is a no brainer (assuming all the story is truth)...I say encourage him to go. Many of the problems we face in our society result from poor family foundations. Support the family's request. That 80 year old lady deserves to see all her family. And there should be no punishment, repercussions, or play time reduction...I would worry more about a kid that refused to go to the birthday party in lieu of baseball. This is a unique situation and a monumental achievement in that family.

Thanks everyone for the great input. To address some of the additional questions:

1. The family reunion is not here in town. It is about 2 1/2 hours away in Athens, Ohio. Grandma is not in ill health, and it appears from mom that her issue is not about seeing Grandma before it is too late, but that they are trying to get all the brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc., together.

As far as backtracking: Here's the problem. I told all the players/families that we needed to re-dedicate ourselves as a TEAM to make every practice and game important. I pointed out that after reviewing last year's practices/games, I found that out of 45 practices we only had all of our team members present at FOUR of those 45. As for games, out of 24 games, we only had our full squad at SEVEN of those games.

j2h6: "Explain....so that this exception isn't habit forming"....I guess this is why I'm struggling with this situation. This is not a bad or problem kid, from what I know about him, but if I just shrug off a 3 day absence, what about the next kid who wants to miss to go to New York on a NON-MANDATORY class "fun" trip? What about a "once in a life time" chance to see the Yankees play at Cleveland? A sophomore who wants to go on a college visit? A player who's cousin is getting married? At what point do I look around and say that once again we're missing a ton of players who have made a choice to do something that is more important to them than the team? Obviously this is why I'm struggling with this situation.

Good Eye: Again, the notice is not the problem. We have 14 or 15 players on varsity and we can replace him. In fact, I don't KNOW he'll be a starter. But the point is, I am dealing with his choice to put something else before his teammates. I believe family comes first, too. But I don't think family has to come first in ALL events. If we have a player who's parent says "We eat all family meals together" and he would have to miss 4 or 5 practices a week, I don't think I can keep him; it wouldn't be fair to the players I would have to CUT who WOULD be there every day.

Also, Good Eye, I do have a rule (and have for many years)that missing a practice for an unexcused absence will result in sitting out DOUBLE the number of games you miss. (I should have mentioned this in my original post) Therefore, that player would miss three games and sit out 6....or basically a third of our season. Do I change the rule for him?

BillBill: I would absolutely excuse a kid for a death in the family and/or a significantly ill family member. They are also excused for academic reasons (SAT's/ACT'S), special classes for college, make-up tests from illnesses, academic awards ceremonies, etc.

And again, the problem isn't that "one weekend wouldn't hurt", it's "Where do I draw the line, and expect our players to be committed to being there?" I don't want to come off like Atilla The Hun, but it just seems that more and more every year, players do not seem to see Varsity sports as a committment, as a job to do, as a bonding experience with teammates....it is no different to some of them than intramurals that they play solely for fun.

Bee: Love to have the family involved like that...it would probably double our fan turnout, but it looks like this gettogether is about 2 1/2 or 3 hours away. One of my questions when I talk to the player and his family is: Isn't it possible for him to come down on Saturday afternoon AFTER the DH (which starts at 10:00 am)? He'd still get all Saturday evening and Sunday with his relatives.

CatcherDad: My policy has always been that you should not miss during the Varsity season, but we are very flexible during the summer because we expect many people to go on vacation. My players know that taking off for Spring Break is not an option because we generally have 6 games during that time. They know that if you are going to leave for Spring Break, don't bother coming out. Hasn't been an issue after the first couple of years.

If it deals with college or academics, I don't really even question it; they go. But when it is family parties, fun trips, Spring Break, intramural sports, etc., I start to bristle because I'm having to cut 25 kids, SOME of whom might NEVER miss a practice. Shouldn't being dedicated and reliable be MORE important than JUST talent? I'd rather have a less talented player give me 100% all the time, than a more talented player who misses practices and games.

hsballcoach: And that is probably what will happen if he goes. He'll likely lose his spot and may or may not win it back.

Kimosabe: Sorry, but I just can't see this as a "no brainer". Encourage him to go? I should encourage my players to leave during the season and miss games? I just don't get that. And again, this is information I didn't share before, but this is family who sees Grandma a couple of time a month and spends a 3 week vacation in the summer with her every year. And yes, she has come to a couple of games when she comes up to stay with the player and his family.

I've been playing Devil's Advocate here, because I'm still rolling around in my head what I'm going to say when I talk to him and his family. I'm sure some of you will read my post and think I'm a cantakerous, "win at all costs" coach. All I can do is assure you that I'm not. I am just continually more and more frustrated with lack of commitment by young people to their sports. I find it especially true with baseball, where it seems people see it as a "blow off" sport. They wouldn't dare miss a football or basketball game, but, ahh what the heck, it's only baseball.....

More and more good ideas from all of you...I really appreciate that, and thank goodness I have quite a while to make a decision. Thanks.

quote:

j2h6: "Explain....so that this exception isn't habit forming"..

...back when I was coaching high school I always allowed each player 1 free pass....things happen, their teenagers....but after that they were all held accountable, anything else missed, they would have to suffer what ever the consequences.....which were spelled out to them very clearly as well as to the parents at the beginning of the season, at the end of the first day of practice. You see, I made it very clear that after that free pass there were no excused absences. All Doctor appts., dental visits, eye exams were to take place on their time not my time. I also made it very clear that at that first meeting with the parents and players that I did not want to hear from the parents. I was not here for the parents, I was here for the players. Don't get me wrong I interacted very well with the parents but by stating that up front I never once ever received a phone call from a parent asking about why Johnny was'nt playing or the kid getting his parents to call in sick for him so he could take a break or do whatever while everyone else was working hard. It's time for these boys to start growing up, taking responsibility for themselves, their actions and the decisions they make. If I'm making a total commitment to them, I simply expected the same in return, nothing more, nothing less. The statement I made was simply to say that I provide you a pass, your only pass, there will be no more excused absences for any reason. Don't expect my free pass to become habit forming as this won't be extended to you again this year....you've now used up your one freebee.....the fact that it's over a 3 game weekend.....well you'll have to figure that one out won't you. If this is a varsity team....can't the player drive himself to the event after the games....the double header seems to be early enough, I'd imagine something should be able to be worked out. What ever you decide you need to stick to your guns, stay consistent in your actions, what ever you decide with everyone. It's a difficult decision but one that will make a statement to the entire team based on how you handle it.....

This is a good off season (for me) topic. At a time when rules can be reviewed and updated. I would like to know what other HS coaches have as their attendance/penalty rule.

My rule is missed practice is 1/2 game each miss for excused absences, and 1 game for unexcused. I present this more as a reward for those who don't miss. I also remind them that a player that takes over their position, may take over their position for good. It does have to be pointed out that this penalty is in effect with the plans for players on that day already. So, if a player was to be a late substitution they would not play at all. A starter would sit the 1/2 game.

I like how one coach put the penalty as a chance for the players who missed to get back into "baseball shape" before they got back in the line-up.

I'm also wondering if anyone has a great scenerio that helps explain to the Parents and players the need for this rule. How do you relate it to a real life situation. Here's a quote for instance about playing time and allowing the player to earn that:


Parent/ Coach Meeting:
"If I can, I want to add another thought on parents talking to the coach. Say John is working so hard to start. He puts in the time but the player ahead of him is just a little better. That player rests on his laurels and John keeps working. There comes a time when the coach has to make a decision. If John's parents approach the coach about John's playing time and then John starts, John will never receive the credit he is due from his teammates. It will appear as if the parents got that start for John. Please be careful when/how you approach the coach. John deserves the credit for his hard work and most coaches I know will come around to starting John."

That is a great scenerio, and most parents can relate. I don't remember who I'm quoting here, but I thank them for their wisdom.

The number of practices, and especially games last year that didn't have the full squad available is amazing. Were there injuries and illness involved?

J2h6,

Was your "Free Pass" presented as a one day deal? or one time deal(as in it could be continuous days missed for the same event, i.e. spring break vacation?)

I like the concept.

Coach, you have a problem. I see your dilema about drawing the line. You are dealing with shades of grey. Try to go black and white. Here is an idea..

This will take some effort on your part..

RULE:
You miss practice/game for any reason you make it up!! Period!

Schedule make up practices Saturday night at 8:00pm or 4:00am Sunday morning. Or both. It will then become a priority for the player to schedule extracurricular activities around baseball.
In your example of the 80yr thing....Do you think that kid wants to flush 4 or 5 Saturday nights???
He11 no!! You will be amazed how kids/parents can be creative in scheduling around baseball when they have an incentive.

This was my HS coaches rule, Rarely did my coach ever have to run an 8:00 Sat. night practice. I stayed home from school once during season with the flu, but my Azz found a way to get to practice!
btw, my HS coach was a GREAT GUY! Luv him to this day!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by TCB1:
Also, Good Eye, I do have a rule (and have for many years)that missing a practice for an unexcused absence will result in sitting out DOUBLE the number of games you miss. (I should have mentioned this in my original post) Therefore, that player would miss three games and sit out 6....or basically a third of our season. Do I change the rule for him?

I say go with the rule you have always had then. My guess is that this player will find a way to be there part of the weekend (if it turns out that he is a starter beforehand). It sounds as though you are very reluctant to make exceptions (and I agree that it is very hard to figure out what should be an exception and what is not) so why start now?