I love the game of baseball and I love the young men I coach. I don't get paid a dime, put in many hours, and it doesn't bother me one bit. I would give my players the shirt off of my back if they needed it (as I am sure all of you would).

Ok, we are up 2-1 in the top of the 7th against a top three team in our conference. A routine ground ball is hit to a kid who is playing third base because our senior starting third baseman has not been a leader and kept his grades up. The boy vobbles it, and then throws it when he should have ate it! The ball gets by the first baseman and our right fielder backed up the play and threw the ball across the infield to get the runner going for third. The third baseman fields it off of the bag and wheels and throws (when he should have ate it again!) and throws a fastball to his teammate covering the bag. Luckily for us the ball hit the runner because it would have gotten by. I scream "Eat It!" The boys parents who are already perceived as being a little different, crazy, etc.., thought I said "idiot." As we are running the boys in right field after the game the mom comes on the field crying wanting to talk to me. I told her I would talk to her down at the locker room, on the phone, anywhere, but not in front of the boys. I did not know at this time what she thought I had called her son. I just thought she was mad because I screamed. The next thing I know her husband is coming on the field with the look of a wild man in his eyes. He wanted to punch me in the face. I am a student teacher trying to get a job, I can't get in a fight on the ball field in front of parents, the players, everybody!! The other coaches had my back and spoke to him. After we spoke to the players I went up to talk to the parents with another coach. I am the type who wants to make things right if I wrong someone. The parents realized I did not say what they thought I said, but they did not apologize. The father then started saying we didn't know how to win, coach etc... The thing was the players knew we said eat it. Their own son was so embarassed!!! I felt bad for him. I mean this was crazy, we are always trying to teach class, and how to conduct yourself, and then some parents walk onto the field and pull this! I still feel horrible about it, even though I know I did nothing wrong. I even apologized to the player for me being too loud!! He said it wasn't my fault that he should have made the play and he knew what I said. In many cases the players are more responsible and stable than their parents. The things is I care so much about these boys. I do not cuss and none of the coaching staff cusses around the players. We would never call them a name and try to humiliate them in front of everyone. That's not how we run our program. These two parents have a rep. for being unstable. It's just an unfortunate situation. You guys have any experiences like this?

We all have situations that have come up like this. I guess you will always have them when you work with the public. I was flipping channels the other day and say a show called 'Parking Wars'. Just shows that most everyone has to deal with the unusual. Coaches just deal with something precious and personal. I have heard it put this way. There are only two things you can control. How hard you work and how much you care.

If you take care of those two things you can sleep well at night. Try not to let this discourage you. Sounds like you did the right thing and you and the other coaches diffused the situation. Time to move on and keep coaching them up.

I would change "some" to "most". And "crazy" can at any time be replaced with "irrational" , "unrealistic", "over-bearing", "vengeful", "selfish".......anti of all the things we try to teach our athletes. Maybe, we should be coaching the parents instead.

The most worrisome thought in my mind is that these parents had role models that respected authority. When today's kids become the Parent, and had role models with no respect, what will it be like for guys like Nicholas??

Nick, as an assistant coach you only see maybe 5% of this. When you become head coach you get to see the other 95%, and it's ugly.

Maybe I can coach at an orphanage where I wouldn't have to worry about the parents.

nicholas25

TC is right you need to get a tougher skin---the best way is to tell them you are trespassing in my territory---sometimes you need to be hard and edgy with them---the ballfield and the game is your territory--they are there as as invited guest because their son is playing---PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN---incidently this sort of stuff should be handled bt the head coach not an assistant .

These parents were in a rage! If I would have gotten hard and edgy with them, everything would have broken lose, in front of the kids and other parents and fans. It was handled appropriately.

Some of you "coaches" who think you would have told this guy where to take himself, could have found yourself beat down on the field in front of your players. You would have also showed your players how not to handle a situation. As far as me uncorking wine, that is a pathetic comment. I come on here to discuss the game of baseall with fellow coaches. I do not need pity on a message board.

Nicholas...sounds like you handled it properly. Head coach hopefully had your back and understood what you said?

We were at an AAU tourney at WDW about 9 years ago. One of my 17 year old players decided to draw a line in the dirt after an umpire called a first pitch strike on a pitch the player thought was inside. I jumped out of the dugout and reemed him out in front of the umpire. I proceeded to remove him from the game, mid-at bat. His parents went off on me right away. They came out of the stands and started screaming at me through the fence. After about 20 seconds or so, the home plate ump called time and walked over to the fence. He told the parents their son was lucky I interceded, as he had his thumb ready to go in the air to throw the kid out of the game. We were playing H.S. Federation rules, so the player would have had to sit the next game. The slinked back to their seats in the stands. Do you think they ever apologized to me?

Apparently it wasn't OK for me to embarrass their baby, but it was OK for them to do it to me. And incorrectly I might add!

Nicholas, unfortunately, you are finding out what coaching is really like. Everyone loves the kids. It is much more than that when you are a head coach. You have the paperwork. You have the safety and security of your players to think about. You will always have parent that like and dislike you. Heck, at times you will be very hard for them to like. It comes with the territory. However, you are learning valuable lessons. You need to make sure that when you are a head coach someday that you have a plan for this occassion. You played it by ear this time and were fortunate. You might not be so lucky next time. Since you suggest you want to learn, here are some things that I've had to deal with regarding parents who, by the way, were not always the parents of my players:

• What are you going to do when a parent shows up and demands that their son leave. After all, it is their son and they have that right.
• What are you going to do when a parent demands his son get into the game. (I saw this happen this past week in a softball game.)
• What are you going to do when one of your players tells you that he is afraid of his dad in the stands and going home that night?
• What are you going to do when one of those parents has been ejected by the ump and refuses to leave?

Well, I could go on and on. I've been blessed with the parents I've dealt with. I've seen potential disasters sitting in the stands. Once you identify them, you have to put a plan into action that will ensure that you have your bases covered be it making sure that an administrator is at the games and/or security or whether you cover those concerns with that parent. BTW, you want to suggest that parents are crazy. What are you going to do when you run into a crazy coach? I'm betting you're going to!

We do not even have in uniform police officers at our home games. We have school security, but he can't do anything about anything. =) This summer will be my second year as a summer ball head coach, and I am going to use the same format I plan to use when/if I am head coach one day. Please let me know what you think.

*I will have a thought out, professionally written, document, detailing how my team/baseball program is ran. It will cover every situation that could occur. I will let the parents know I will not talk to them after a game if they are upset, but will talk to them after the next practice. That gives the parent time to cool off, and allow me to enjoy a win, or cool off myself after a loss. I will ask the parents to sign this document if they agree to abide by it. They are not saying they agree, but they do agree to abide by it. I am still not sure what to do if they do not abide by it. What do you coaches think?

I , for one, do not believe in contracts for parents or for players on travel teams.

I believe that with a summer/fall travel team the kids/parents have to believe in the program and the coaches involved---if not why are they there ?

I believe in handshakes and words of agreement---if they do not abide by this they are gone--adios---vaya condios--see ya later---for us it is that simple---it is our team not theirs


There is no whine and cheese with us

Our summer team is next years high school varsity team. I do not think handshakes work with some of the parents I have.

nicholas

You can take this as you want from an old timer involved with baseball----drop the whining and learn how to handle it---NOW!!!!!! By the way there is no cheese available either

You will get no sympathy here from long time coaches---learn how to handle it

Nicholas, you have to ask yourself what your potential actions are if/when parents break the agreement. I have a parent's meeting each year. I lay out my philosophy. I discuss a communication plan. In the end, I tell the parents that they are the parents. Sometimes that might require them to remove their child from the team should they not agree with what I do. In turn, I as the coach, might feel the need to remove their child if said child doesn't not meet the standards I desire. You will never have control over parents regardless of sign or unsigned agreement. When I mentioned the previous scenerios, I was referring to having plans set to put into action on the spot. You're never going to know the exact date. I have gone into the stands and told a group of parents to leave immediately when an ump threw them out. I have gone to visiting parents and told them to leave our park. I have had parents get upset. However, you are the professional. Professionals plan for every circumstance and then step up to the challenge. I think this is a nice way of putting what TRHit is saying. He, and others, have such plans in their minds. They know when to move with those plans and when to call John John's parents over for a calm discussion. Nicholas, you've got a lot to learn and there is no substitute for experience. You're getting that now. I started off at a very young age and was a kid dealing with angry parents before the age of 16. Guess I cut my teeth on coaching early in life. However, it's neat now when I'm in a store and those kids 3 years my junior come up to me and call me coach. Heck they are all now 47 years old.

Nicholas - I have said you a few times about how I didn't think you were ready to be a head coach because of the other aspects of being head coach. You may know the X's and O's of baseball but the other stuff will get you. Well here is a fine example of the other stuff. Coach B25 brought up some good points of the other stuff you can face as a head coach.

What I am about to say next is to try and help you and not attack you so hopefully you see it this way.

We are typing words back and forth from all over the USA on an internet chat room and when this happens you really don't know sometimes the intent nad meaning in what you are putting down. The image you are giving out is that you know how to be a head coach already, your head coach is holding you back because he won't give up the job, everyone should follow the rules (writte and unwritten) as you see them and you find it hard to believe parents act like idiots. You may not truly be this person but the words you have typed on here make most of us believe this. This is why some of us on here are telling you quit whining.

Now back to your posts - your opening disclaimer of how you love the game and players and do anything for them is nice and all but did you think we doubted you? Everyone in here would do this for their players. This weekend alone I spent around $30 of my own money so some of my guys could eat after a game at a fast food joint. You are preaching to the choir on that one.

Yes you have idiot parents and you will never get rid of them. Just get used to it and don't take it personally no matter how personal they make it. In the long run it doesn't really matter what they think. You still fill out the lineup card.

Head coaching is a marathon because you have to establish a pattern in your decisions and how you handle situations over a period of time. Once that happens most - not all - parents will see what you do and know what you do and accept it. Now this only works if you are doing the right and fair thing. Your first couple of years are TOUGH because people are learning who you are, what you think and how you act / react to games. Once you have established who you are and what you do then it becomes slightly better.

It's not a bad idea to have the stuff you mentioned written down but it won't solve your problems. I don't / won't do the contracts because I am like TRhit on that. I'm going to tell you what I am going to do and then I'm going to do it. You got a problem with it then see ya. I give out a book to my players each year and it has a ton of stuff in it but there are some things you won't think of and it won't be in there. When this happens you earn your paycheck in settling these situations.

I agree the whole not talking after the game is a good idea but what if the parent doesn't leave or want to? I had a kid who quit just before IF / OF because he didn't want to wear his hat. Now how silly is that? I told him to stay in the dugout and we would discuss it when I got done. He quit and by the time I finished hitting IF / OF his dad was at the fence screaming at me. I told him we can talk the next day and he kept going nuts. No principal, no asst. principal, no AD, no security and we are at a public park with little league games going on. He won't leave. What would you do? He stayed on the outside of the fence and I stayed on the inside. I knew if I stepped out there we would be in a fist fight. My asst coach called the principal and he came pretty quickly. There is no written rule or policy to cover that. Be ready to handle something like that because it will happen to you.

Coaching is tougher than it has ever been. You got kids who are more selfish and who have a weaker grasp of the game than ever before. Our educational system is hurting them when it comes to retention so what you teach them this year they may not remember next year. Parents don't care about the team because Little Johnny should be the star of the team.

Always remember this - parents only care about and want to succeed ONE kid while you care about and want to succeed 30 kids.

If your not thick skinned coaching will drive you nuts.

I was the head coach of an 8th/9th grade team last summer and in this my first year at the high school level as a varsity assistant, I have had five incidents with parents. None are as extreme as the one I mentioned in this thread, but I would like to develop a system and a proper way to handle situations. I want to run a baseball program like a well oiled machine. Last summer I had no parents meeting because I was naive and didn't think I needed one. We had one before the high school season but it wasn't detailed as far as situations and consequences for actions. I understand situations will arise, but I want to run as first class of a program as possible.

COACH2709: Please understand I appreciate the opportunity our head coach has given me and I work my butt of everyday to show appreciation. I will be a head coach when and if, it's in the Lord's plan. Our coaching staff is on the same page and I support my head coach.

Reading these posts makes me smile. I got out 10 years ago. I never had anything resembling what has been posted but I sort of saw it coming. How would I have dealt with some of these situations. I probably would have told the parent to get the hell out of my face. Of course we know what would have been the outcome of that. I probably would be called to the AD or principals office and told to apologize for MY erratic behavior.

I worked for 11 years as a sports information director at the college level and had my fair share of parent experiences. Certainly not as intimate a relationship as coaches have, but still.

I can tell you that baseball and softball parents are the worst of the bunch. There's always 3-4 sets we would deal with each year that were just overly controlling and obsessive.

My worst tale came when a father of a softball pitcher came to the press box during the game to argue a hit/error call. He got in my face, claimed he'd scored minor league baseball for 25 years, I was an idiot, etc. I told him if he wanted to quit his job and become the SID at that institution he could change the call, but I was sticking by it and confident in my decision. I showed the video of the play to 14 different people, all who agreed with my call.

I am a parent now and have told my wife if I ever become like that with my kids and sports, she's allowed to have me committed.

Jason Falls

Now you are talking about college. People will do what you let them. All this did not all of a sudden happen. It creeps in little by little. Coaches league officials ADs school administration have a hand in fascilitating this stuff. I dont think this was the first time this person acted this way. maybe if a few years back somebody told this guy to get lost your incident would not have happened. Believe me what you described is all over the place. The problem is that all parents are not like that. I would have to say that the majority are not. But it is the few that can make life miserable for everybody. so what happens some coaches say why do I have to put up with it. and they dont. they leave. and the sad part is that now these few feel empowered. and it will continue till somebody says enough is enough.

quote:

Originally posted by Will:
Jason Falls

Now you are talking about college. People will do what you let them. All this did not all of a sudden happen. It creeps in little by little. Coaches league officials ADs school administration have a hand in fascilitating this stuff. I dont think this was the first time this person acted this way. maybe if a few years back somebody told this guy to get lost your incident would not have happened. Believe me what you described is all over the place. The problem is that all parents are not like that. I would have to say that the majority are not. But it is the few that can make life miserable for everybody. so what happens some coaches say why do I have to put up with it. and they dont. they leave. and the sad part is that now these few feel empowered. and it will continue till somebody says enough is enough.

Will -- Agreed. Although I do think there are some select parents out there who are going to act like that no matter who or how many times they're told not to. And I agree the vast majority of parents I worked with over the years were a joy to be around and get to know. Some are still friends. I'd say we had 2-3 sets of parents across 15 sports each year ... that's a very small percentage.