In the past few months we've lost our son or the person he use to be. He started at short and pitching his freshman year for his high school team. We've done travel ball for three years. Since about March he has changed. His grades fell, he's never been a straight A student but now he is failing. He's been in summer school to make up the failing grades and we found out last week that he has not been going and will not finish the class in time for it to be transfered back to the high school before school starts. He didn't want to play summer ball for the high school I quilted him into playin that the coach was counting on him. We have grounded him from his truck and phone. He doesn't seem to care. How can I get through to him that he is throwing his life away. He would have been a prospect for a D1 school but now I'll be happy if he just gets through high school. Coach and conselors at school say he can still go to a junior college or will probaly be drafted out of high school but if his attitude doesn't change he want be playing his junior and senior years. Anybody got any advise what to do to get him motivated.

It sounds as though you might be asking multiple questions. As far as baseball, it is my opinion, that you don't get one motivated to excell in sports. Others might disagree. I always wanted my kids to participate in sports because of the lessons, the activity (health), self esteem, etc. that come from playing organized athletics. I just happened to have a son who lived and breathed being on a baseball field. That was an internal motivation for him - not anything I did (although some might say my support certainly encouraged him). If your son decides to forego playing HS baseball, then he does. What I would be concerned about is that he's replacing it with a healthy alternative - not running the streets with a wild crowd or sitting in a room playing video games all evening. There are many healthy outlets and activities - it's a matter of him finding something that he enjoys that will also help him grow as a person and keep him safe.

As far as grades - that can be difficult! I've posted before that my son was a less than motivated student. However, I was very fortunate in that I could use baseball as the carrot that helped him focus somewhat. He knew without grades he wasn't going to continue to play HS ball, nor get into college as well as play ball. I think by offering encouragement with tutoring and demonstrating that an education is expected in your household is a great beginning.

I would truly question if something else is going on with your son. Please don't be offended as I know nothing about him. Is it possible that drugs could have entered the picture? Is it possible that depression could be involved? I mention those simply because they can contribute to the picture that you paint. There are many other things that can as well - including being a teenager! IMO, that would be the first thing I would want to determine with my child - if there is an underlying reason for any of the changes he's demonstrating?

I'm sure you'll get some great advice here - there's lots of smart folks around. Keep us posted.

Sorry to hear this about your son. Has his friends changed? Do you think he is drinking or any other illicit use.What does he do on the weekends? Have you tried counseling?Ihave seen a lot of boys my son went though HS do the same thing. Several did not play thier junior or senior years and a couple have not graduated.
The drinking and other vices is huge in HS and a lot of peer pressure to be involved with the in crowd.Is there anythign else that could be bothering him? Could he have some level of depression?
Has he just lost his interest in baseball and doesnt want to dissapoint those around him so hes making himself unable to play? Im just throwing out any ideas I can think of.
Sometimes kids pull away if there is a lot of pressure and they dont know how to deal with it. I would suggest counselong if hopefully he will verbalize whats going on. Boys are difficult in that respect becasue they dont always have the ability to verbalize feelings etc and feel its whimpy to cry or be sad.
I think if you just can get him to talk about whats in his heart and how he feels about life in gen.My daughter when in HS got sick with an eating disorder, after years of getting her help she has been fine for the last 5-6 years. almost lost her twice. she was a young girl who everyone looked up to and thought she was perfect, although perfect on the outside there was so much negative on the inside.Way to long of a story. But one thing that stood out to us during family counseling was her fear of dissapointing those around her, her fear of failure ,her fear of going away to college. You would be surprised how sick a young child can get when they cant verbalize these feelings for whatever reasons. I am lifting you and your family and son in prayer.PM me if you would like.

Lafmom and I were posting at the same time. I too dont want to say anything to offend, but when a child starts to change and withdrwal from activities it can and should be a warning sign. In the end it doesnt mater if he ever plays baseball, what you want is for your son to be healthy physically and mentally.

I haven't posted for quite awhile...but your post and asking for help moved something inside of me to respond. I think you have been given EXCELLENT advice from both Lafmom and fanofgame! I would take their words to heart. In my opinion, a child doesn't undertake such drastic changes without a cause to the effect. And it looks like you need to concentrate on finding that cause. IMO, and please do not be offended by this...baseball would be the LAST thing on my list of important criteria in this situation. I understand you feel he is throwing away his future by turning away from baseball. But he could quite possibly be throwing away ALOT MORE than baseball if some intervention isn't explored.

I tell you this as a mom...who's daughter ALSO has suffered thru an eating disorder. And MUCH like fanofgame's experience...fear of disappointing those important to them, fear of failure, and fear of losing control....are the main culprits. I know eating disorders and what you are experiencing are two seemingly different things...but you might be surprised to ultimately find out that altho the external manifestation and behaviors are different..often times the internal impetus and driving factors are the same. BUT...it is obvious you are a loving and concerned parent...and I have no doubt you will take action to determine and identify what is truly going on with your son.

Your radar is dead on in feeling there is a problem...now you need to get to the root of the problem so some remedies and healing can take place.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for your advise. He did live and breath for baseball. He says he still wants to follow his dream(of playing after highschool) that he is just tried right now. Since Feb 2007 he has done something baseball ever month, even over Christmas break. I don't know if we pushed to much but he wanted to do everything and we just backed him in it. But with the grades he has right now I don't think the dream will come true for him and I think that may be part of what is going on. If he just says he doesn't want to play then the pressure is off him.

As for the friends changing he does have some new friends but still hangs with the old ones too. He's always been one not to have just one friend he's friend with everyone.

There are no signs of drugs and drinking.

We just need lots on prayer to get through this. It's killing me to see him throw his life away.

Please keep depression in the back of your mind. We had a friend this spring realize that her son was not just becoming a mopey difficult teen he was depressed. He has gotton some real help and a great mentor, now he is heading back to be the great kid he always was.

Lane4-

Good advise above about some warning signs, and trying to get to the core of the problem.

He says he is "just tired" maybe he is. Sometimes centering so much time and energy on one thing, you can hit a wall. He may see no way out of the grade situation. Baseball aside, I would take a couple of steps to get a check on his position grade wise. Get with his counselor asap and see what the options are. He may be able to take some additional classes at a continuation school, or JC to get him back on track. If the counselor determines that he will be able to graduate with his class, good. If the counselor determines that he is not qualified for a four year college right now, it is not the end of the world and frankly can work out much better for many academically and for baseball.

Kids can get into a mind set that they are "s*rewed" so why try. When really they just don't know how to right the boat that is sinking.

Keep communications open, and if he is willing start working on a plan to get things back on track, including car and phone, he will feel much better about himself if he can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Baseball is one of the hardest roads in all sports. It takes a lot of work and perserverence. It is a road full of highs and lows . Maybe this time for him is one of the low points, but the good thing about that is there is only one way to go from here and that's up.

Keep us posted on how he's doing. Don't forget to let him know you love him and believe in him, (even though you may be mad as he** about the situation) while also reminding him of his responsibilities to himself and his family. Good luck.

quote:

In the past few months we've lost our son or the person he use to be.

That might just be your writing style, but just like the ladies have said above, that sets off our signals that there could be a serious problem.

quote:

There are no signs of drugs and drinking.

Athletic peer pressure can be staggering. Drugs often translates to heroin, cocain, or marijuana.

Steroids can produce the very symptoms you have described, and, if you are looking for heroin, cocain, or marijuna, you would very likely be misled.

A freshman or sophomore can often face that peer pressure from upper classmen as they move into varsity positions.

quote:

We just need lots on prayer to get through this.

You'll get those prayers here, but you need more than just prayer.

I would urge you to consider professional help.

You might start with the high school head coach, principal, or a trusted counselor at school.

Lane4 ...

I love all of the advice our other cyber moms have suggested, and because I suffer from clinical depression, and have myself contemplated suicide in the past, that would be a trigger for me.

As for being tired ... teenagers actually require more rest and sleep than adults and younger children. I remember listening to a child psychologist on the radio once who discussed this very thing and tried to get parents to understand that altho the teenager thinks he/she can get along on less sleep, they really can't. He went so far as to suggest that parents allow their teens to sleep in as late as they need to on Saturdays because many can make up for the sleep depreivation during the week by doing this once a week.

I think I would also take him in for a thorough exam by his doctor, preferably one who has known him for a long time, if there is such a doctor in his life.

Please know that we are all praying with you for a good turn around for him ... please keep us posted.

Just wanted to give you an update on my son. His high school coach has taken on the job of academic mentor also he is great. He had notice some test scores and grades and believed we might have something else other than just being a teenager going on. So we made a doctors appointment and had some test done there. He has been diagnosed with ADD and has started medicine. After starting the meds he finished one the classes at night school he need to make up in less than 3 weeks. This was a semester of work and he had to pass the test with 90% or better. He is over half way through the second class he is making up at night school. He is enrolled in the other classes he needs to be back on track for gradation in day school. We meet with the school and have a plan in place so that he can get the extra help he needs. He feels a lot better about school now. He is also getting back to ball. He's been hitting and doing some weights. We believe now that he just needed that break. That even though he wanted to do the travel ball that he just need to be a teenager for a little while. If he wants to travel again we will but for now school and his well being are first. Thanks for all your support and keep us in your prayers.

Lane4 - you have a PM

Lane4 - Glad to hear things are better for your son and family. Thanks for the update!

lane4,

thanks for the update. Glad hes getting back on track. And good he took some time off, they all need to do that> taking the time off and getting other things squared away with your sons life are most important. and when he returns to the game he will be ready refreshed and healthy in all areas.

Lane4,

I am so glad to know you got some help from the doctor and started your son on medicine.

Did you happen to see the interview with Michael Phelps mom where she talked about Michael having ADHD and needing to channel his energy into swimming?

Good luck to you and your family!

Take him to your family doctor for a physical including blood work. You never know when something physical is affecting him. High school kids need to have blood work done yearly.

Lane 4 ...

Sounds like you are headed in the right direction. Hopefully this will help your son get centered. ADD and ADHD are real and need some form of intervention. I am glad you found someone who cared enough to follow up on your son, and I wish nothing but the best for him.