My daughter is struggling on her summer softball team. She is 16 and will be a junior in the fall. The team is made up of girls who played varsity in HS this spring while my daughter was on JV. She has just plain given up on herself. She gets in maybe 1/2 inning of 1 pool play game each weekend but only if the game is a complete blow out -- and she feels that the coach's mind is made up about her and that is her role. When she does get in, it looks like she's just going through the motions, not working hard. So her dad is like 'If I was the coach, I would have a hard time putting you in the way you are playing right now.' It's like a self-fullfilling prophecy or something. Like if the coach thinks I'm bad then I am bad. She is playing much below her potential right now.

She says in practice that it's like coach just looks right through her as if she isn't there. No tips, advice, encouragement. She would probabaly be thrilled if he yelled at her, but nothing. She asks to try different positions that she played in HS, and he lets her practice wherever, but nothing materializes. Her frame of mind is completely out of character. She is a total 'scrapper', never-give-up, hard working player, but her resolve has cracked. She's talking about not wanting to play in the spring. Any advice on how I can help her?

highfive ...

My gut reaction ... kind of a reverse psychology thing ... is to suggest that your daughter speak directly with the coach, seeking his advice and suggestions on what he thinks she needs to do to improve and to get additional opportunities to play. This serves 2 purposes (at least) ... it suggests to the coach that she is deferring to his position, his knowledge, his coaching abilities AND it shows that she is interested in contributing to the team and improving her skills.

I suspect that since she is so discouraged, her demeanor and body language may be sending some messages to the coach that are not favorable.

Anyway, just a suggestion ...

Bad body language...oh yeah absolutely. Thanks for your thoughts. I think I see what you are saying. Is it that, in getting the coach's advice, he 1)can't look beyond her, will have to address her directly and 2) if she is able to deliver on his advice, she has a leg to stand on when wondering about her playing time. Now if I can get her to do it. Probably not a good idea to have mom or dad join in the conversation at this point?

Here is her IM profile: 'If there's one thing I've learned in life...don't ever regret anything because it all happens for a reason'. Waxing philosophically on me, also out of character.

Two practices this week to work on it all!! Thanks!

highfive ...

You read me correctly ... and I would leave everything up to her. I wouldn't step in at all. This will be a good test for her as well ... to see if she has the desire to continue.

Good luck to her. Please keep us posted.

highfive - I agree w/BabybackMomma and also suggest that you get her the book, Mind Gym, which is a great resource about the mental side of sports (and life for that matter). I highly recommend it. Good luck - I had a softball daughter, too that had similar struggles. Baseball seemed much more straightforward to me...

As a dad (who shouldn't be here) that just graduated a daughter that played softball, have you considered getting her professional instruction? But, be selective on who you choose. Daughters are 360 degrees different than sons - self esteem and having someone that believes in them is as important as what they know. My daughter started off as you describe, but in the 8th grade I got her an instructor and she responded immediately - 5 straight years of All-District and All-Region awards and three scholly offers. All this from a girl that was destined to play right field in rec ball for life until I decided to get her pitching lessons.

I always secretly hoped I could write the 'rest of the story' here someday, and I think the time is right to write 'more of the story' at least.

I am writing today from Arizona where my husband and I traveled to watch my daughter's college team play in their spring tournament.

My daughter struggled through that 16 year old summer by mostly sitting on the bench. Her subsequent high school years were somewhat haunted by the 'bench sitter' reputation, but her love of the game remained strong. She had a decent senior high school year and earned some playing time, but did not entertain playing at the next level. She chose a college in a large urban setting and desired to get a degree in Art and Design. The first week of school, there were signs posted about softball tryouts with scholarship money still available. She tried out and made the team. She unexpectedly started a couple of games out here in Arizona and went 3 for 4 in her first collegiate start!

So I guess my message to those frustrated by sitting on the bench and not being given a chance, if you love the game, stick with it, continue to work to get better on your own and one day your efforts will pay off!

Highfive ...

Wow, I am so happy that I am taking it easy this morning and got to read your update. When I started to read the thread, I didn't catch the date of the original posts (I was BabybackMomma in those days). And I am so glad you took the time to update us on your daughter's softball 'career' ... what a testimony to perserverence and determination. You must feel a great deal of motherly satisfaction with the way things are turning out. And how wonderful that she took the bull by the horns and walked in to try out for her college team.

A local contractor we are working with was at the same tournament, I believe. His daughter plays for a small NAIA Christian college (Hope International) and altho they apparently didn't do well (competing against much higher level schools), the experience was wonderful for him and his family. It sounds like you also had the same wonderful experience. Great news and may God bless your daughter's college experiences on and off the field.

Thanks for your reply, FBM. I am so happy for her. Things work out in ways that you don't expect, sometimes.

quote:

Things work out in ways that you don't expect, sometimes.

Isn't that a wonderful thing in life!

Congrats to your daughter on her accomplishment and enjoy the tourney!!

High-five,...wow,..these was a great morning read!
Shows truth that if you hang in there,..never give up, you can make your dreams come true!
I so appreciate you coming back here and allowing this story to come full circle.
...I thank you!

Well, that's an inspiring story...I, too, didn't catch the date of the original post until I went back and double checked. I was going to chime in about my daughter's basketball "issues"...sounded kind of similar.She's in 8th grade (will enter high school in Sept). She's been playing AAU basketball for two years, has a personal coach AND basketball trainer and STILL cannot quite catch the eye of her 8th grade coach. Definitely a personality clash because my daughter doesn't want to be a "showoff" on the team...so tends to not "show her stuff" as often as she should..all this training, by the way, is in prep for high school (she wants to play for a team that just won the state championships). She gets very frustrated when the coach ignores her. But I'm inspired by these posts to remind her to hang in there..this too shall pass!