Any Advice Moms: My son is a senior. He is a great kid and has always been very close to me. But he seems to get mad at me lately about every little thing I say. He thinks every thing I say that I am mad or criticizing - even when I am not. For example: he needs to write some essays for his college applications. One DI wants him to go ahead and get all that in to determine what kind of academic money he can get. He hasn't done it and if I say anything he just kind of flips. It is a total change in personality. Is he scared? Is it a defensive mechanism? Is he just ready to get out of the house and get on with life??? He's my oldest so I am perplexed. Any helpful hints are welcomed!

HitaHomer, my condolences! I've got the same problem with my senior first-born! I honestly think our boys are just ready to move on with their lives.

We're not quite tiptoeing on eggshells at our house, but we're definitely finding the need to soften our approach with him. We try not to sweat the small stuff and read him the riot act only when it is absolutely crucial.

When possible, we try to make our son think it is "his idea" to do something. If it's his parents' idea, forget it! When something absolutely has to get done, we quietly issue an ultimatum that if he hasn't done something by such and such time, a consequence will occur (loss of car keys, no going out with buddies, etc.). If he starts arguing with us about it, we simply walk away and try very hard not to get caught up in a heated discussion with him.

Best wishes and try not to tear your hair out, okay?!

Remember the "Terrible Twos", when they went from sweet baby to ruler of the world? Well, here they are again! This to shall pass, put on your "extra patience" hat, and try not to take everything he says too litterally. Just like you did when he was two, it is time to set limits. Give him a timeline (this helps for everything this senior year) when something needs to be accomplished and set whatever consequence you decide ( can't go out, can't drive car, etc.)and enforce it.

Senior year it seems like it is a constant uphill battle until all the college aps completed and deadlines have been met. Mine kind of went in and out of this mode until he left for college in August. But it definately got better once he knew where he was going.

They are going through a lot - I am sure when asked, your son could not articulate why he is feeling sensitive or moody, he just is.

My son had proven to me up to this point in his life that he was deserving of my help to get him through it. So, I did help him out by setting the timelines and making him stick to them. I personally called his counselor/advisor and set up a time for him to bring in his essay for review and edit, and I made him go. I would have gladly done it, but he needed someone else involved to we didn't need to bicker back and forth about it.
This worked out well for us.

Try to bite your tongue as much as possible, choose your battles (just like those terrible twos).

I have found in parenting that everytime an uncomfortable period arrises it is almost always followed by a big step toward maturity.

So, hang in there and dish out big chunks of unconditional love (even tho you might not feel like it)it will get better. Best of all you will know it is coming with your other kids, the first one gets to suprise you with all of this

Hope that helps.

Infield08, How did your visits go, did he decide anything?

Oh those sweet senior boys! They just can't wait for their independence that next year but they don't want to do the few steps they have to do to get that independence.

Our high school counselors warned us that they would go through changes that senior year and could "self-sabotage". They make two steps forward in growing up and then take one giant step backward.

What worked in our house last year was the ultimatum. We had set a deadline last year for the end of October for all college applications and essays to be finished. He could not leave the house (no truck) until the applications and essays were finished. You figure out your own deadline - we spent several Sunday afternoons or evenings with me sitting beside him on the computer to work on the applications. My husband was the one who issued the ultimatum.

I may have already told this story but I think it's funny now - My son thought he was "saving" his rough draft of an essay online. He accidently had sent it on to the school - oh well - he did get admitted to that school but didn't end up going there! My advice - work on the essay in a "Word" format then cut and paste it onto the application.

You are not alone in your trouble dealing with this issue - my neighbor last year hired someone to work with her son on the applications and essays so she would not have to be constantly nagging her son.

I kinda miss those "nagging" days with son gone? Nope - that part I don't miss!

Their upset with Mom about the 'nagging' is amusing. Gee, if you don't like to be nagged there's an exceedingly easy way to avoid it....

From their viewpoint, this is one of the first times they've had to do all the form-filling-out, making decisions, grownup stuff. As they've not done it before --- why now? And when they do it, it means, in most cases, going away from home. Scary-exciting. Lots of turmoil when what they'd really like is for it all to just magically happen, without stress or effort.

From Mom's viewpoint, it's not really a bad thing that they're being difficult. Remember a couple of years ago when you couldn't bear to think of their leaving? Well, senior year is the diety's little way of making sure that Mom isn't devastated by Baby Boy's eventual departure. There are/will be times when you find yourself thinking, "maybe it is time for him to leave the nest for a short flight".

Because, after all, it is!

quote:

Well, senior year is the diety's little way of making sure that Mom isn't devastated by Baby Boy's eventual departure. There are/will be times when you find yourself thinking, "maybe it is time for him to leave the nest for a short flight".

I have often shared with friends that I believe God gives us teenagers to make it easier to send them off to college!

For those folks with only boys... don't worry that you're missin' out! Senior girls can be just as challenging! A stack of "stuff" sits on our kitchen counter waiting patiently for her attention.

Oh thank you all for the advice. I will bite my tongue and pick my battles. And I like the deadline idea. I have talked to his 9th grade English teacher (fun wonderful lady) and she said to send him to her house and she will sit down and work through the essays with him. That will relieve me of the job.

I think it always just helps knowing that the way he is acting is normal and that neither of us has completely lost our minds. (He says I've gone Psycho). This week he brought home a puppy!! We can't keep it b/c my daughter is allergic and can't even breathe at this point - so more drama. At least I can say there is never a dull moment around here - and I will so miss him when he is gone.

quote:

I think it always just helps knowing that the way he is acting is normal

This is normal? One good thing about my son, right now, is he turned 18 a couple of weeks ago and gave me all the ammo I'd need to survive this. He kept saying "I'm 18. I'm an adult." So when he comes up agaisnt a deadline or decision that has to be made and all that stress gets heaped on me, guess what I say back...

In our family we are just beginning the teenage years. Our son will be in high school next year now I am not so sure that I am looking forward to it.

As the mom of a senior I must be getting nostalgic because it's his last year, but, I love teen-age boys!!! I feel blessed to have been around a great group of teen-age boys this 4 years of hs. These boys aren't perfect but have never been in trouble in hs, are great team leaders,and support each other through thick and thin. They always have a hug for us moms, even at school with all their friends looking on. Their teachers and principal say they are just a part of a great '08 class and everyone enjoys them. I am so thankful we have been a part of their lives. I'm sure as they approach 18 and the year goes on they may give us some grief but I think that's part of growing up.

As baseball parents I think we are probably closer to our boys than the average parent because of the team work and cooperation it takes to be successful in baseball and school. Enjoy them, warts and all, because it goes by so fast.

We had a good weekend together. I love these boys too and always have a crew at my house, but I can definitely tell mine is ready for some independence.