Ladies I feel like I have failed as a Mom for years I have been riding my sons back about school it goes in one ear and out the other, even went as far as to send him to tutoring last year for a total of $3000.00 to get him organized been telling him you are messing up your future forget about going to a good college know one will want you with your grades. And of coarse he is having a great Junior year but it's not about baseball it's about his future. I know I have tried everything that I can and I will never look back and said I should have done this. I just know in five years he is going to say Mom you were right (and it will be to late). Ladies do you have any advice or suggestions, just left a message for his High School coach to see if he can talk to him but we've been that road before and I know it will go in one ear and out the other. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Thank You

I don't really have any advice for you. Sometimes kids have to learn the hard way. My oldest chose that route. The best thing that happened to him was a College visit with the admissions counselor. The Counselor let him know what he had to do to transfer into their school. What grades he needed and such. They listen to others better than us.

So I guess the only suggestion is to take him to a College that he is interested in. Bring a copy of his transcript and let THEM tell him what he needs to do in order to be accepted into the School.

HTH some

Roseanne - I do feel your pain. My son wasn't a good student in HS. I suppose he wasn't horrible compared to some and he was a NCAA qualifier upon graduation.... but not by much! The poorer grades in HS did loose him some options for college. However, because of baseball he did get accepted into many colleges he never would have otherwise.

Your son's coach should be involved in his grades already thru grade checks. My son's HS coach actually made him bring homework to a practice and sit there and do it instead of practicing... made an impact at least short term. It sounds like you're doing everything that you can with tutoring, support, and monitoring. There comes a time in their lives where they have to run with the ball so to speak.

Thank You for your advice, I just feel like I am at my wits end, I want him to experience going away to college. I told him all his friends will be going away to college they have options that because of his lack of caring for school he will not have any options on what college he will be able to go to, it just plain hurts we want what is best for our children and they think we are just nagging them.

Roseanne - I do understand your frustration. It's very upsetting when we feel they're not taking advantage of an opportunity. Honestly, if it wasn't for baseball motivating my son, I often wondered if he would have gotten thru HS... not because of low IQ, but because it just never seemed important to him (at least from my perspective).

I do want to tell you though, that they grow up and often learn the value of good grades. As I said, my son's GPA probably cost him his #1 choice of schools. However, he went to a JUCO where he was Dean's List last year. He is now at a four year and doing well.... not dean's list, but decent grades. What is best of all is that his attitude has so drastically changed. He may not love school, but he's verbalizing to me about his academics, his major, his plans for his life, his desires for his future.... so the lessons you're feeling that might be falling on deaf ears.... probably aren't!

some lessons in life are painful. But, I think showing him in black and white (NCAA requirements, ACT/SAT requirements for the college of his choice, etc) is a good approach. At my house, my Jr son (catcher #1) and 8th grade son (#2) are so smart, but they only apply themselves just enough to keep from being in "mom trouble". #1 was in the gifted program in grade school and now this last semester made his first ever "C" in calculus. Did not make his momma happy at all. He lost his ability to play "world of warcraft"--which is an extremely addicting online video game, but his grades are coming back up now. He was very angry with me, but I think he now realizes how much energy/time he was spending on the game.

I certainly don't know all the answers, #1 is my oldest, but I wouldn't let up on the pressure for schoolwork to be most important. If I had to take either boy out of baseball to get the grades, it would probably kill both of us, but they know and I know that I would do it if I had to.

Best of luck to you, keep the faith that you are doing the right thing.

Yes,...grades are key. You are not alone Roseanne. Many of us have been down this road with our Junior sons. I like the black and white idea. Show him the hard copy of the requirements. Telling him is one thing, showing him is another.

Took a college coach telling a group of athletes
( my son included, his sophomore year ) what the GPA had to be to qualify for a scholarship at his school.

Now of course I had been telling my son THAT exact same standard a bazillion times,... but he really didnt seem to pay much attention.
The coach says it once, outloud, and poof, its now gold in my son's brain. (???) Guess it doesnt really matter how it got there,..just that its finally there!! Yippeeeee,..less stress for meeee!!!

I tape my sons grades in the kitchen every Friday ( from the school parent access web site ) next to the NCAA requirements, ACT/SAT requirements for the college of his choice. Don't usually say much,...he can read.

I can't beg him to do better, but I can show him what its going to take to make his dreams come true.
I have also spoke to him about a plan " B ", should he not make the grades or something falls through. This in and of itself was very persuasive, and I hadn't intended it to be. He didnt like the alternatives. They seemed more tangible than his dreams and for some reason he seemed to understand the alternatives more than the dream, ...talk about motivation to strive for the stars and do whatever it takes to get away from plan " B ".

If possible,... take your son to visit a college of his dreams and then to a college that he doesnt want to go to. Sometimes that can speak volumes to a son. Its a different approach, a visual reality check. The difference in quality of baseball fields can speak wonders too!!!.....oh my goodness, who knew my son could be soooo picky!

I have also been known to take my kids down
to the local Home Depot loading dock, in the sweltering summer heat to bump into their friends who didnt go to college and are now making $11.50 an hour. ( to a 15 year old, that seems like a fortune ) Hmmmmm,....

I have decided this year to be the silent enforcer.
Either he makes the standards, or he doesnt. It is his choice and I have to let loose a little. I cant do it for him,...I cant make it happen. Only he can. I can nag myself to sleep each night, but if its not effective, then yes I have tried, but I have not been successful.
I think down the road my son may perhaps remember the nagging and not my message.
Sometimes we as moms need a different approach to reach our sons. Sometimes us moms just need to hear from other moms that we are not alone. That others of us have been down this road,..and that there is for sure, light at the end of the tunnel! Hugzzzzz!!!
Hang in there Roseanne!!!
Blueberry bread, fresh and warm on the table.....take at least two!!

P.S.

quote:

HTH some

Sue54,...what does the above mean?
Cant figure it.

(Please forgive my ignorance. Perhaps I need another cup of coffee this morning- ha! )

Wow I came to the right place thank you so much for the advice I knew there had to be other women out there in my postion, Well last night I blew up at him cell phone gone after prom party gone and it should hurt now that he has a girlfriend, mind you all his friends are either on the principles list or honor roll. He has been told by coaches, colleges, us, and ex and current major league baseball players I think (so i've been told) that boys it takes longer to sink in and they mature later he is my oldest so will see. Last night I was alittle mean but I think sometimes tough love might help told him all his senior friends are going off to the colleges of there choice and the only place he will go to is the local junior college which has a great baseball program but he doesn't want to go there and also let him know that he will have to take a test to get in. So I think I will take your advice Shortstopmom this weekend and bring him to the local junior college and show him around he has already picked his dream college to go to so maybe seeing the diffrence will wake him up will see. And to top of last night my friend called me and told me the ACT grades are up on the computer new I shouldn't have looked but of coarse I did and he did bad on them. Now my husband just called and said how was he today, because he is pitching and It will be my fault if he pitches bad extra pressure to get my stomach in more knots for today.
Thank You so much for all your advice will let you know how next quarter goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me Thanks again

Hang in there - you are not alone! I have a 19 yr old sophomore in College who had horrible grades in HS - he watched his options fall away but ended up at a small Div 3 school playing baseball. Doing well now and loving it. He says to me now and to his younger brother all the time "Mom, I wish I had worked harder in HS!" However, his younger brother, a sophomore in HS, who was always on the honor role, has decided not to do any work this year (Just enough to play on the baseball team) and I have been going crazy. I have decided to step back and let him make his own decisions and take the consequences, he is old enough. Very hard to do though, but I believe he will pick himself up and do what is necessary and finally listen to his elder brother and to us!

quote:

Originally posted by shortstopmom:
P.S.

quote:

HTH some

Sue54,...what does the above mean?
Cant figure it.

(Please forgive my ignorance. Perhaps I need another cup of coffee this morning- ha! )

LOL. I am slow on those things as well. It means Hope this Helps.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
( LOL as well!! )
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!

I was thinking: H-T-H
Hit the head? No.
Hi to Henrietta? Perhaps.
Hit the homerun? A definate possibility.
Have to hurry? Maybe.

HA!!!!

I have been hesitant at saying anything on the academic front, but the loss of the cell phone and prom after party and such made me feel bad enough to step in.

My son, too, is a pretty good baseball player, who's received a fair amount of interest from college coaches. And my son has had his share of grades issues, that culminated last semester with his being declared academically ineligible to play baseball, this season.

For the life of me I couldn't figure out why a kid with a stack of letters from colleges (including two of his favorite schools) would crash and burn academically during his junior year. I thought "maybe he really doesn't want to play and he just can't bring himself to tell me" or "maybe the stress of being a recruited athlete is getting to him". I grounded him, took his cell phone, took his driving privledges, threatened to cancel his summer season. You name it - I did it.

But I also contacted his new guidance counsellor and discussed my concerns with her. She in turn pulled his transcripts, met with each of his teachers, met with my son, and then called me in. She told me that my son more then likely had a learning disability called Inattentive Attention Deficit Disorder and recommended that I take him to a psychologist for testing. Turns out, she was right.

Most of us are aware of ADHD because its kind of hard to miss hyperactive kids, but Inattentive ADD is commonly missed because the kids tend to be very intelligent and creative, and they don't usually exhibit behaviour problems. Its also frequently missed because kids with Inattentive ADD tend to do very well in subjects that hold their interest - whether due to the subject matter or the teachers way of presenting the material - for some reason they tune in and pull high grades, but in subjects that don't engage them, for whatever reason, they struggle.

If a kid's grades are pretty steady - for example, if they're all B's and C's - that's probably their niche and they're fine. But if the child's grades are all over the place - they score A's and B's in some classes and barely pass others - they may have a problem that's out of their control, but is ridiculously easy to fix.

In my son's case, he pulled straight A's for his first three years of school, then, in 4th grade, he simultaneously went through a significant childhood trauma and changed schools. His grades dropped into the A through C range and we chalked it up to the changes in his life. His grades starting flirting with the occassional D in Junior high and we attributed that to his being a teenager. Then last year, he got an F in Geometry and I had a melt down. He busted his butt and got the grade up and was allowed to play ball, but this year was aweful.

His guidance counsellor and the psycholgist both explained the situation like this: in grades 1-3, my son was in private school and it was very structured. That helped his grades. The childhood trauma may have had an impact, but more than likely the switch to a larger, less structured classroom environment is what contributed to his falling grades, specifically because he had the Inattentive form of ADD. Teachers loved him as a kid, but they, like my husband and I, thought he was being lazy on subjects he didn't care for, and his previous success in private school fed into that philosophy. The reason that he crashed so badly last semester is that he's in upper level honors classes with a high degree of independent study required and, even though he wanted to succeed, and he didn't want us yelling at him or taking away his privledges, the fact is he could not help himself stay focused.

There is, however, a happy ending to this story. Since my son started on medication to help him focus - one simple little pill a day - he is on track to make the honor roll for the first time since he entered high school. He will also be able to explain the situation to college admin counsellors who will be able to look at his transcript and tell when he received his diagnosis.

This may or may not apply to anyone else's son, but I cried the day I apologized to my son for not knowing sooner. As a mom, I could remember all that he'd been through - with my husband and I, with teachers, with coaches - and knowing that it all could have been avoided hurt. But the good news is that we know now, his GPA is on the mend, and he will be going on to college.

Now if I can only get him to clean his room....

Great story thank you for sharing it glad it turned out well for you, well my sons grades have been all over the place for years and I agree with you as for the teacher and the class that will hold his attention. When he was in third grade I had him tested for ADHA by a professional doctor said he was fine but maybe he has what your son has you never know because your story sounds just like my son. Thanks for the great advice I will call look into this and even have him tested you never know. Again Thank You So Much.

KmomNH, awesome post!!! Great eye opener and one that I hope may help others. Thank you for your personal story, and for being so candid and willing to share with the rest of us.
It's stories like these, that show a means to an end, that I truely find exceptional.
Again, thank you.

I agree, this is a great story from KmomNH.

It actually sounds quite a bit like me................

Hmmmm

KMom - Thanks for sharing your son's story. It's quite interesting because I have told people many times that my son's grade depended on if he liked the subject and the teacher. He could have all As and Bs and one random class could be failing. "Grades all over the place" is exactly where he was in HS.

I think your post might be very valuable to many folks out there.

This is my favorite place on this site. We as Moms truly never feel alone. I am a teacher so I know all the tricks and am willing to use them on my own children. No I have no shame! Picture this, week before early signing date, after much pushing prodding and taping articles on his door my son, the "Don't worry mom I am going to play baseball, I'll get anywhere I want" and my husband and I sat down for the discussion. Son all puffed up becase he had nine offers on the table to discuss for college. Son looks them over and says well what about [place college name here] he came to school and it was once of my official offers, Coach has called and he was really interested. Well the D-1 of his dreams had sent a letter stating that they wanted to wait and see how his grades came out for the year and he needed to take the SAT again because he needed to get 27 more points on it. Son was crushed and all we could tell him was "we told you that grades mattered that why they are called "Student atheletes". His statement, I wish I had started caring earlier. Son decided to sign with a DII that had smaller classes. Interestingly enough my sons grades were highest his senior year and he received a call from that Dream Team with a great offer. Son decided to live up to his commitment. What alot of players don"t relize os that you can accept an early signing and make your committment but you still have to get into the school. Son is just about to finish his Freshman year with a gpa of 3.1

Nice story Allaboutbaseball!!!!
Very nice!!! Good advice.
Will print out and set on my HS Junior's desk at home!
Thank you.

quote:

Originally posted by KmomNH:
There is, however, a happy ending to this story. Since my son started on medication to help him focus - one simple little pill a day - he is on track to make the honor roll for the first time since he entered high school. He will also be able to explain the situation to college admin counsellors who will be able to look at his transcript and tell when he received his diagnosis.

You are very fortunate to have the issue resolved so easily. One of my boys was diagnosed in 7th grade (he's a freshman now) and we too discovered the "magic pill". His grades shot up, but he believed it to be at the cost of his social life. He thinks the meds affect his personality, so we have tried many since then to find something that helps the focus without destroying the appetite and flattening his personality (doctor's term). I tried to explain to him that it may not be such a bad thing to flatten the personality while at school but he doesn't agree! So the grades still suffer, but he's happy with is social life! Actually, he is using a patch right now and doesn't affect his appetite. It doesn't give optimal help with his focus, but it is a compromise.

Regarding the original post of this thread, we have fought that battle too. Our junior son has not achieved his potential, especailly as a freshman and sophomore. My husband always say "you can't push a rope". We tried to give him plenty of reasons to do better - both positive and negative incentives - but nothing really helped and we had plenty of miserable evenings. This year has been his best year (and has been our most hands-off year), and actually the first time he has made the honor role. He probably will not get into his top choice college (Texas A&M), but we firmly believe that God has good things for him wherever he ends up. He's a great kid and we focus on that whenever we get discouraged that he doesn't have a great GPA.

I have decided that parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart!