Okay, I get really irritated when my kids walk right past me to go ask Mom a homework question (and I'm a teacher!!). Or Mom and I will be sitting together and one of the kids will say, "Mom, I'm heading out, see you later." What's up with this strange phenomenon??

My wife says it's simply that she was home all the time them as they grew up, while I went to work every day, and so it's just kind of ingrained that their first response is to "ask mom" or "tell mom". I suppose this is true, but it does sting a little bit!!

Maybe I'm being unrealistic. I've always wanted to be one of the dads where the kids say, "My dad was a giant of a man and I adored him beyond measure!" But at our house, and 'the times' being as they are, it sure seems like I'm just another piece of furniture sometimes. I think I'm a really good dad, but I wondr sometimes if the kids know it! I especially wanted my daughter (age 11) to be a Daddy's Girl, but she's very much a Mommy's Girl!! If it wasn't for the dog showing his love, I think I'd feel totally irrelevant!

I think this stuff is coming to bear on me as the oldest is just months now from heading out the door, and so I find myself asking, "Did I do a good job?" And when the kids always seem to go to Mom for so much, it's sometimes hard to know!

I don't know. Does this sound similar to your homes at all, Ladies forumites?

Krak ...

We only raised one but it was definitely a bone of contention for my hubby as well. Son would call the house or come home from somewhere and always ask for me ... Dad, is Mom there? Dad, can I talk with Mom? ... I am sure hubby wondered if he actually existed at times. Now, if he needs permission for anything, he asks his wife.

I am sure you are doing a great job as a dad ... sometimes the rewards come later.

To head off such a problem, one of the first things that I taught the kids was to "Tell your father" or "Go ask your father". Worked for me!

Krak...quite the opposite at our home...and I think the reason is because I utilized the same strategy as Playbaseball!

Just a thought, but I managed the calendar.

Apparently, my wonderful dear husband was unable to read what was written in the little squares on the paper magnetically adheared to the fridge. So all things involving time management fell on me.

It used to really bother my husband as well. Daddy friendly time keepers are easy though, so once we got one, all was well.

Plus, I think I'm an easy mark.

My kids always come to me.... But thats the way it is were the moms..... Pro player interviewed on tv...whats he say ?? Hi Mom

Krak-
This is a great topic. I have just recently adopted the "you'd better ask dad" phrase to my daily routine. I simply got tired of having to weigh in on every single little decision or comment.
Then, later my loving hubby would say - "do you think it's really okay that (insert child and situation) goes there, does that? Drove me nuts.
So, now I use my new phrase, and guess what - unless he really makes a doozy of a blunder - the kids are much happier with his response which is usually yes. He's just happy to be included in the process
Now my husband thinks he is sooooo cool when the kids call him on his cell phone to ask permission to do things. It's kinda cute.

Krak,

I think it's quite common (although not universal). And I also think it's very understandable that you are starting to have some separation pains in anticipation of next Fall!

When my boys were in HS and before, they most often came to me first for homework help, or to ask permission to go somewhere. I think it was primarily because Dad always worked outside the home, and I arranged my career so that I could work from an office at home. Then they went off to college, and guess what? They more often sought out Dad's advice, or called Dad on his cell to tell them some news. I think that was because they saw themselves as men, and wanted man-to-man advice. For a while I felt left out. But I am glad that they identify with their Dad, who is a great guy and a very manly man!

I'm would guess it's different for every family, but also different for each family at various stages and ages in their lives.

Julie

True enough. My dad was like a stranger sharing the house through my high school years..definitely closest to mom.....but then later, as I started a family, etc -- and now when we travel back to visit (mom and dad are divorced and live about twenty miles apart), I find myself wanting to stay at my dad's because it's more fun! I would just like some equity in the love!

Krak ...

quote:

I would just like some equity in the love

I am sure there is equity in the love, just not always the time or attention. But it is obvious from all that you have shared and all the good things that are going on with your children that they love you dearly.

I realize also that I need to always look for opportunities to be a cool dad. My daughter's 11 and likes to read. She's probably in the last year or two of wanting to be read to at night, so I thought we could go online and find three books that she thinks would be good read-alouds, order them, and then I'd try and schedule myself in to the bedtime routine 2-3 times per week to read a bit.

I know fathering comes much easier to some -- I had a very krappy role model in that department (though as mentioned we can get along okay now -- just don't talk more than once or twice a year) -- so these are things I have to consciously think about and figure out as I go along!! It's good to seek the advice of the Moms!

Krak ...

Seems many of our parents were ill-equipped to be parenting impressionable little people, and I am one of those. So I took all the things that didn't work and applied the opposite to our son, as did his dad. It was wonderful to hear when my mom told me that she wished she had been 1/2 the mom to me that I have been to my son. I just know from what I have read over the years in your posts that you indeed are doing well. And I am sure you are already a cool pop ...

Krak--I think you probably just don't realize the impact you do have on your kids. Kids also aren't always the best at showing what they really feel. And--as I am ever learning, teenagers are very difficult to figure out!!

Good luck with that girl, along with being the last year or two of being read to, you have a whole lot of other things going to happen in the next year or two. You will be amazed at how stupid you and Mrs Krak become!!

I read that young Krak signed--congrats!

Yes, daughter is on the verge of not being a little girl anymore! I teach at our middle school over here and will probably have her in some classes over the next few years. I hope to not embarrass her! (-:

As far as oldest son, he hasn't signed, but has been accepted. We now await the unfolding of the financial aid picture. Trinity is a DIII so no NLI or athletic scholly involved. It's absolutely the perfect fit, though. After receiving our FAFSA feedback, I think it's all going to work out just fine.

Krak,
My favorite valentines day was when my husband came home with flowers for me AND my daughters!!! He also got each of us some chocolates. They still remember that day- it made them feel so special to recieve their first flowers! (semi grown -up!)


Congratulations on your son's acceptance at Trinity- he must be booksmart also- it has an excellent reputation!

amom, I read your post and instantly my mind took me back to when I was a kid. My dad used to get flowers for my mom and for me and my sister on days like Valentine's and Mother's day. I used to feel SO big. Warm fuzzy thoughts are filling my brain right now. thanks!! (I needed it, its been a rough week!)

Looks like I better make a trip to the florist soon!! I can hide the flowers in my classroom for a few days without them wilting, right??

Great idea!

Krak-
No, you cannot hide flowers in your classroom for "a few days" , maybe one day if it is not too warm. If you have to buy them the day ahead, keep them cool as possible. If you preorder from a florist, you can pick them up same day and they will be lovely.

I remember to special occasions I shared with my dad. We had a big family so, when it was time for me (#5 of 6) to take my dad to the "Daddy Daughter Dinner" at our Campfire Girls annual dinner/dance.
My gosh, it was the best thing ever. Just me and him, everyone else had to bid us good-bye at the front door. It was such a thrill- I thought it was so cool. We had a great time, and obviously it is a great memory for me.
The other one that really stands out is our summer camping trips. He was the Scout Master of my brothers boy scout troop. He was so involved with my two brothers and all the boys. We had to spend about three weeks up in the Sierra Nevada mountains
each summer as a family while he volunteered his time at camp. Not much time for the family together.
Don't get me wrong we all loved it. But he would always make time each day to throw me up on his shoulders and take some of the youngers out for a little nature hike. I felt like a queen riding up there on his mighty shoulders viewing the world and the wonders of nature from such a grand perspective.
The best thing was though, he would give me one of his Lifesavers from his chest pocket - heaven, just heaven.

Seems like nothing much I'm sure, but to me it , well speaking about it now at my age, it made quite an impression on me didn't it.
Dads and daughters, make your own memories

My son tends to call me more than my husband and back when he was in highschool I think the reason he talked to me more was because I was at the right place at the right time. You better be there when he talks because generally after he talks you won't hear anymore about the subject. Now that he is in college, I will volunteer to ride places with him when we are together and usually that is when he talks to me.

You teach them everything you know. They run sixty yards for a touchdown. The camera turns on them and do they say "Thanks Dad! No! They say 'Hi Mom.'"

--- Bill Cosby ---