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HSBBWeb Old Timer
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. TR... Agreed. In this case I understand that she sees this disturbing trend where successful, kids with everything going for them are suddenly struggling to find meaning. Not just the at risk kids, but the seemingly successful ones. Curious, She checked with other professionals around the country and found that they were all seeing a huge increase in problems in this upper end, priviledged demographic. Seems the kids were very successful in sports and academics and other venues that could be measured and quantified and kept score of by overinvolved score keeping boomer parents. But stuggling in other less quantificable venues. "In spite of parental concern and economic advantage, many of my adolescent patients suffer from readily apparent emotional disorders: addictions, anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders and assorted self-destructive behaviors. Others are perplexingly and persistently unhappy in ways that are more difficult to quantify. The fact that many of these teens are highly proficient in some areas of their lives helps mask significant impairments in others..." AS I mentioned something to be aware of.  44 |
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HSBBWeb Old Timer
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. FO... Agreed. As quoted from the book and my earlier post... "...I want to be clear that children do need a great deal of involvement from their parents. High levels of parental involvement are shown to be an important predictor of success for children in many areas. But appropriately involved parents know the importance of stepping back as soon as is practical, and of respecting their child's strivings toward independence. Overinvolvement is not simply "more" healthy involvement; rather it is involvement that can get in the way of development..." 44 . |
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HSBBWeb Old Timer
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quote: Originally posted by theEH:
Remember it's not alway's your child that's trying out for a Team. It's also the Parent's?? Just food for Thought. EH
Not sure I understand this comment. What do you mean by this?
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Go Bearcats!
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| Posts: 3658 | Location: California | Registered: June 22, 2003 | |
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Observer44, I wasn’t “Attacking” you with the self-flagellation remark, didn’t highlight you specifically and it was not an ‘attack’. You make it sound like this is some sort of Hitting Forum discussion.  My comment was for people to just quit all the self-analysis and go have fun watching baseball. Period. Every time you turn around there is a constant stream of analysis, psychoanalysis, self reflection (that somehow always seems to be broadcast publicly) and self-criticism ad nauseum. You turn on the TV and there’s some reality show fool blubbering away about their problems while their housemates huddle around and analyse them. Then there are the endless books. Incidentally, any book that begins “We need to examine our parenting paradigm” is in trouble from the get-go. Now, so you don’t get the wrong impression, I think this is a good thread, otherwise I wouldn’t have contributed to it in the first place. There are some very good posts here and interesting takes on this, everyone’s is valid, Observer44s’ and everyone’s. I gave my 2cents because no one else was offering that angle to it. I wasn’t attacking anyone. But come on. I know this is the High School baseball web, but here again, it’s a bunch of parents talking on and on and on about . . . what? . . . THEMSELVES! Seems in society today it’s always about ME, ME, ME. It gets tiring. Just go out and have fun watching your boy’s game. But in the future I'll homogenise my comments until they are so meek as to not give offense.  |
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| Posts: 257 | Location: New England | Registered: January 20, 2006 | |
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HSBBWeb Old Timer
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quote: Originally posted by BobbleheadDoll:
Parental Involvment ?
When they grow up I bet they will thank you.
Or in some cases despise you. I do know of situations where kids have quit playing because of either unreasonable parental expectations, or, embarrassing parental behavior. It's a shame, but it is a reality with parenting in general that we will never be able to completly control, nor do we have the right to control. I've always tried to make it a personal rule not to get involved with how parents deal with their lives unless there would be physical violence or the attitude starts affecting others personally or within a team structure. I expect that same respect from them. As a player told TR about putting a dome over the field to keep parents out. Great idea but the best part of life is being a parent and watching and being part of your kids growing up. quote: ....ought to write about municipal governments who never seem to find funding for youth sports!!
So true Newcomer, but every other public interest group in the community is crying the same foul. All I need is every Tom, Dick, and Harry getting their desires met and the results being added to my tax bill. Selfish, yes, but I do sleep at night with that attitude. At times the public sector is at fault for relying on the government to take action, when grass root public efforts are more satisfying IMO. |
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| Posts: 3959 | Location: Madison Wi | Registered: January 06, 2003 | |
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HSBBWeb Old Timer
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quote: Originally posted by rz1:
All I need is every Tom, Dick, and Harry getting their desires met and the results being added to my tax bill. Selfish, yes, but I do sleep at night with that attitude. At times the public sector is at fault for relying on the government to take action, when grass root public efforts are more satisfying IMO.
Agree wholeheartedly with that! We've built 2 beautiful new fields in the past 5 years with nothing more than donations from families and local businesses. Its amazing whats help is out there if you just ask for it. In addition, if you come up with just some of the funds...its also amazing how much MORE willing the financially strapped city or school district is to throw in a little more when you did your part first.
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Go Bearcats!
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| Posts: 3658 | Location: California | Registered: June 22, 2003 | |
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HSBBWeb Old Timer
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TR mentioned softball parents. In addition to being a baseball parent, I am also a softball parent to my two daughters, both playing travel ball--one on a 12U team, the other on a 10U team. Please allow me to share an experience I witnessed this past weekend at a local but major softball tournament.
One of the families in our organization also has daughters on both of our teams. The older girl is a pitcher, the younger one is a catcher. The mom has already contacted the university of HER choice to alert the softball coach about her 12 year old daughter in 6th grade. She stated she will NOT ALLOW her daughter to ever QUIT softball because of ALL THE MONEY they have spent on her SO FAR and she has a ledger book with every expense paid, from pitching lessons to spikes to hotels and meals and gas for their travel, etc.
The younger daughter, the catcher, is phenomenal--with a bullet-like arm. I have witnessed this girl go from being a confident and powerful hitter with a stellar performance behind the plate, to crying when she strikes out. The mom told me that her daughter now has NIGHTMARES about catching and that she cries that she does not want to catch any more, but this is her position. After the girl stuck out for the 3rd time in a particular game, the mom turned to me and very matter-of-factly stated, "I think she needs a beating." I gasped and told her, "No, she needs a hug." The dad, by the way, is the coach.
Just an example from one family...Are we too involved? I'm an emotional wreck just thinking about these two girls, and the pressures they must feel at home.........
I'm mortified by what I see. My girls play on "successful" teams, but this is not my recipe for success. Next year, they will play somewhere else........................
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| Posts: 1868 | Location: Crook County | Registered: June 07, 2005 | |
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quote: Originally posted by infielddad: I have been going to the Stanford Camp for a number of years to see and talk to several coaches with whom I have become friends. Went again on Tuesday. What struck me as unusual was the amount of cheering combined with some "groans" from the stands. Asked a couple of the coaches if they remembered it from the past and the answer was a resounding no. Was new to them too. Also exchanged a number of emails with a friend about observations a very good local high school coach made at a tournment over the weekend. The coach observed a very intense tournament for 14 year olds. Many parents stood behind the backstop and barked constantly at the umpire the opposing pitcher and and hitter. Not encouragement of players on their team but rather trying to get in the head of the opposition...and sometimes, apparently, even worse. Just from the surface, it seems clear that the Stanford Camp is a high visibility/high expectations type experience for anyone invited. The 14's tournament seemed like the same but, perhaps, less stakes(although you couldn't tell by the parents) and much younger. Needless to say, we would all love to see our son have great success when they are on the field. So many of them did in little league. When they get to the regulation diamond, the field dimensions, as history proves, shows how hard the game is to play. Even though the game is harder as players progress upward,do we as parents adjust our expectations? Or, as the game gets harder and visions of DI/scholarships and the like get closer, do we actually increase the expectations on their performance...and become more vocal with the cheers/groans and other? When your son is playing baseball, do you watch him as a fan of the game and the skills necessary to play it, or do you watch as a parent trying to shield him from "failing," hoping he looks good, and looking around to see if the Ivy league coach is watching him and taking notes. Is one better than the other? If we are more than a fan of the way they play the game and the skills they show on the field, are we "too involved?" I pose these questions from the view of our son. The year he went to the Stanford Camp(a very long time and way too many gray hairs ago  ) , he was adamant we not attend. We discussed it at some length. He finally acknowledged that he knew what was at stake in the camp, that he wanted/needed to perform at this best. While he said we never put pressure on him, and in fact almost never say anything at a game, just having parents there increases the pressure. When we said other parents would be there, his response was that he viewed them as fans he knew didn't care how he performed. "When your own parents are there, you want to be successful because they are your parents." Are parents too involved? On that occasion, our's told us we were.
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| Posts: 290 | Location: Alameda, California | Registered: April 21, 2006 | |
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Member
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The rule for parents is a simple one. The bigger the forum (major showcase, national tournament), the farther away you should be from your son to allow HIM to have the experience. If your son is talented you will find him playing on larger and nicer fields - not the rickety stands of your high school or local field where he started.
And, what about kids setting limits for parents? My wife was told in no uncertain terms by my son to be quiet and watch as he participated in a college showcase. You can learn from your kids.
Finally, please do not suggest that baseball parents are any more nuts than any others. Perhaps you should read the posts on Japanese baseball, or educate yourself on how latin players come to the big leagues - dropping out of school at age 12-13 to attend baseball academies - lying about their ages on birth certificates, taking illegal drugs, etc. You want to see nuts? Watch the Caribbean World Series...
Perfect Game, Team One, Area Codes, etc. are great for promoting your player. Travel teams provide a great service, and scholarships are available on many of the elite teams. Don't tour the country with your 8-year old all-star, but do educate yourself as to the realities of recruiting and exposure as your child gets older. You'll spend some money getting him to play against the toughest competition as he gets into high school, and then the most in his junior year of high school. That's the game. As you do all these things pile up great memories and build a bond with your player so he will remember you fondly.
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| Posts: 290 | Location: Alameda, California | Registered: April 21, 2006 | |
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