Without going into detail, what is the best way to deal with situation? It is effecting outcomes of games and many kids are starting to get frustrated. And no, my child's playing time is not being affected but he is starting to get in trouble for doing things that most coaches would find admirable in a player (leadership role, additional practice etc...)

Change teams?

Happens alot at the early years. Usually don't see too much of it by age 11 or 12.

To me changing teams at any time signifies a quitter

If you believe in your talent you stay and WIN the war!

If you run this early you will run the rest of your life

BB ~

Looks to me like more information is needed in order to give proper advice.

Sometimes change is mandated. i.e. safety/health issues....

Sometimes change is a sign of weakness. i.e. not getting one's way/difference of philosophy

Too many intangibles to be able to answer sagely.

I agree with TR. We wouldn't quit as we made a commitment to this team. What kind of parents would we be if we just quit to find greener pastures (and as we all know they may not be greener)? Fortunatley my son's hard work and dedication is making it very difficult to justify keeping him out of the line up. But, there are several players on the team whose fathers happen to be the coaches. One of them is several years younger and although a good player for his age, not able to play with this age group. It was made clear to our boys that LL would be difficult to do as the travel team should always be first priority. So while every player on the team gave up their final year of LL (12's) coaches son decided to play and dad decided to take his team! His brother is clearly not the strongest at his position but is the only player to not sub this year. Many other situations but mostly the fact that the coaches are starting to get on to other players for often times the actions of their sons. Team morale is starting to go down and for the first time ever, I heard my son say that he didn't have a good time playing (it was a practice but generally anything to do with BB is great to him). Anyhow, I know we should pretty much butt out but it is difficult to watch and things are getting worse and not better. This fall things were good and all was positive, but this year, something's changed and coaches are having difficulty doing what's best for the team and not best for their sons. Sorry for the rant but I know you will understand.

I used to co-coach a travel team (6 years) and we saw this problem a lot. I definitely agree with DadOfPlayer and respectfully disagree with TRHit. (Wondering if TR's experience is above the youth travel level, where these problems are generally not present.)

As with the case of the overbearing or screaming coach, it is absolutely your responsibility as parent to remove your child from a team that is not led by an adult who is setting a good example of what an adult leader should be. This is not "quitting". A lot is asked of the kids and the families on these teams and the "loyalty to the team" thing has got to work both ways or it doesn't work at all.

At ages 12-13, there are probably 3 travel players for every 1 high school varsity slot those kids will compete for in 4-5 years -- at least in our area. The better players start to leave their local teams and gravitate to more elite teams where they all play together. The teams left behind struggle to survive and eventually, they don't. One of the big signs that you're on the wrong kind of team is when you have a coach who makes it the mission of the team to serve his one son. This guy is not really going to help your son make the cut down the road, and he is (irrespective of what any one family does) going to run off other families to the point that you are destined not to be one of the better teams out there. One day you won't have enough kids to field a team and that will be the end of that.

Being a player in this situation is kind of like being an employee. If you become a "team hopper" (like a "job hopper"), you'll get a reputation for being someone who just is never satisfied. But leaving a team once, or just once every few years, to find a better situation is common and will not hurt your son. In fact, most of the other teams out there probably know all too well what's going on on your team, if only from playing against you over the years. If you handle this with class, people will respect what you're doing.

You probably also know who the class acts are among coaches, from watching those other teams you've played over the years. Call those teams first, and you'll avoid having to jump teams more than once.

BTW, one way we used to try to avoid this problem was by keeping our team roster at 11 players. Lots of playing time for everybody! A coach with a son on the team can probably never completely escape negative thoughts from other team parents, but if you're genuinely fair, you can keep the carping in the stands to a minimum.

midlo

MY experience is varied--- I have run youth leagues for towns ( Baseball, Basketball and S O C C E R)--I have coached teams from 8 yrs of age to pre college-- I thought I had seen it all but every day the scenario changes and it gets scary---but kids are flexible and can adapt-- at least in my thinking--they wont be scarred for life by a coach screaming at them--trust me

I've seen kids walking on eggshells, so afraid of making a mistake because the coach is going to scream if they screw up. Kids play better and are more aggressive when they're relaxed and loose, the coach needs to be able to make the kids believe that they can make the great play, the great hit, the good pitch. It's not going to happen if the kid is a nervous wreck and terrified of the coach. If this happens to my son I won't think twice about taking him out of that situation, he loves baseball and I won't make him suffer through a whole season just so he can say he's not a quitter. I have a 22 yr old and a 12 yr old and haven't had to do this yet but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't if I saw the need. I think there are situations where you need to do what's best for your kid, and that might be going to another team. I believe some parents jump too quickly while others might be too stubborn and the kid might finish the year but never play again, but atleast he wasn't a quitter...
I've heard so many kids say that they're not playing anymore because the coach is a jerk, and sometimes knowing the coach I know that it's simply not true, and sometimes it is. We need to be honest about our kids abilities and coaches need to treat kids with respect if they want the kids respect. The kids know if a coach is blowing smoke up you know where and we as coaches need to remember that we can have a lasting impact on a young persons life, positive or negative. Coaches are human and they're going to make mistakes, parents make mistakes. We all need to be a little more forgiving, a little more patient, and a lot more loving.

Good Post IB. I've seen it happen with a few very talented baseball players, and we just went through the very situation you talked about with my son and basketball. While son's true passion is baseball, he also enjoyed basketball. Granted he's only a middle of the pack basketball player, but he's very quick and went into this past season with a ton of enthusiasm. You'd think a coach that knew what he was doing could take a kid like that and help him be a better player. Well, in my son's case, after sitting through a dozen or so of the coach's screaming sessions and precious little actual instruction all of the enthusiasm turned into fear of making a mistake that would cause more yelling. So much for any desire to ever play organized basketball again. On the positive side my son told me his eyes were opened to how much he enjoys baseball, and wants to spend the time next year when he'd otherwisw be playing basketball working out getting ready for baseball season.

As for BBfam's original question, in my opinion it wouldn't do much good to talk to the coach about the situation as he probably won't see a problem. Take a little time to think about the situation, talk to other parents to see if they have the same perceptions (sometimes we all tend to get a bit defensive when our own child is involved, but on the other hand there are plenty of coaches out there who are guilty of the daddy-ball syndrome), and if you decide a change is in order I'd spend time interviewing the coaches of prospective teams for next season.

Thanks all for the input. We will continue to see the season through. Like I said, my son is making it near impossible to be kept out of the line-up so his playing time is good. He does seem to take some heat just for being him (better than the coaches sons). He's tough skinned and let's it roll off usually. He is feeling bad for some of the other kids. Last week, coach called time after a pitch out that the C didn't throw down and yelled at the pitcher (in huddle) that he needs to throw harder and that he threw better when he was nine??? What's up with that? Again,thanks for input. Hoping there was a magic solution but I guess you just chalk this up to a learning experience.

Great post. This is such a tricky situation, because we are all taught to not be "quitters", but I totally agree with what Midlo Dad said about team loyalty going both ways. If a dad/coach is more interested in what is best for his son instead of the team, he gets nor deserves any loyalty from me.

My boy switched teams in the middle of last year. He had played every inning, so it wasn't a lack of playing time, but he was very uncomfortable with the fact that several groups of parents were feuding to the point that there was at least one liquor fueled altercation. The coaches had also cancelled 2 of every 3 practices. So obviously I lost Zero sleep when Tanner decided that he wanted to play for a team that better fit his personality and goals. I guess some people would disagree with our decision, but I would humbly have to ask why?

Whatever happened to loyalty?

I have seen kids leave teams with the quickness as soon as a team hits a bump in the road. I have seen kids leave when times are rough , leave their current team, join another team, only to return to the same team because he made the " wrong decision". Perfect example is this past weekend. We played in a Tourney and lost our first game, mind you our team had three returning players who previously left last year only to return this year. Guess what these three players had to face their former teams to get to the championship. Call it ironic if you will but we made it to the championship and took 2nd place. This was a huge accomplishment for this team and it gave me a sense of satisfaction because the kids that stayed and fought hard through the good and bad times faced adversity and didn't panic or leave. As for the the other three kids who left and came back, let's just say they are happy to be back with this team.

My son wanted to leave last year because when the three players left the team was losing many games and many kids were placed in different roles. He stuck with it and the sense of satisfaction was written all over his face. I am glad to say that my 13 year old has been dedicated and faithful to one travel club who gave him an opportunity to play. The dividends have been huge and he now is playing AAU Frosh HighSchool Baseball as an eight grader.

Be careful in your decision and usually the talented players who work hard in practice and in games rise to the top. My son has faced daddyball, politics, and booster clubs all in the face and rose to the top. Work hard, hustle, and things will work out. Trust me.......it will.

bum,
sticking thru competitive adversity & sticking thru emotional abuse are quite different animals

there will come a time when a player has NO choice who his coach is, and .. tho there are MANY great Dad coaches in youth leagues, there are psycho guys whom it would be wise to avoid .. but, the way youth teams are put together, the psychos may not be obvious in pre-season meetings or fundraisers

Hey Chairman,

Yes you are right. I personally haven't faced this situation but I know plenty who have. Those pyscho coaches usually have a kid on the team and he plays no matter what. I totally agree with you and if I was placed in that situation I'd probably move as well.

Daddy Ball is Daddy Ball no matter where you go.

In most Little Leagues, the coaches are volunteer fathers who coach so that their kid not only plays, but makes the All Star team from that park.

The coach's kid usually plays shortstop, pitches and bats either first or clean up.

If you see that there is Daddy Ball happening, get away from that coach at the first opportunity. They have no care for winning, only making sure their child is playing all the time and if you let them tell it, leading the team in every category.

Leaving for a better program is not quitting. It is choosing to play where the competition is fair.

Seen it way too many times where a kid shows up the coach's kid and is benched.

Kid's do not want to wear a uniform to watch a ball game when they could be playing.

Usually when a team complains about Loyalty or quitters, that team usually chases the kids away.

Most often once the kids join another team, they come back to beat the team they left.

quote:

but he was very uncomfortable with the fact that several groups of parents were feuding to the point that there was at least one liquor fueled altercation

Did not have to worry about that as a kid as we played all day on a sandlot field. Made our own rules said who was out and safe but so unorganized. No uniforms no umpires. Idea lets have parents organize us and we will have all that. Great?

I admit it. I'm a "Daddyball" coach. My son plays 1st base and pitches. He bats 3rd in the line-up and plays most, if not all, of each game.

I'm currently evaluating this season's "watch list" that each coach submitted to the league of the players they felt were worthy of consideration for All Stars. What is interesting is that every other head coach has their son on the watch list. And you know what? Every one of those son's deserves to be there.

I think that if parents were honest they would realize that it's usually the dad's with the best players that coach, not the other way around. JMO.

R.

I think everyone should make the All Stars, It's about having fun and making people happy!! Hey if you have a kid going O-fer all season so what. Make him an All Star, expecially the Coaches kid.

Callaway--I agree with you. I am not opposed to a coach's kid getting to start or batting clean up or wherever---as long as he earns it. In this instance there are 4 (yes 4) of 11 players belonging to a coach. One, has earned his spot. The others, well, some don't even belong there (see initial post) and the others are not having to even try to win his spot. This is a problem as not only is it costing games, but more importantly bringing morale down as the others know that it doesn't matter how hard you try, extra hours, good attitude, etc...you will still be subbing and "Johnny" will do whatever he wants. Heck, he was batting clean up for quite a while with a .092 batting average. I don't have a problem with players sitting, even my own. But, when you start subbing your better ball players I think the pine time should be shared, including coach's kids, especially if they are underperforming enough for other teams to comment on it. At 12, move em around, let them play many positions, get lots of at bats, and have fun.

Callaway, you obviously have an exceptional group of coaches kids in your area. Where I'm from a little over half should be on that list, quite a few kids play out of position and hit in the coveted spots only because dad is the coach. They get to pitch over better players because dad is willing to coach the team. Most coaches put in a lot of time with practices, lineups, complaining parents, etc.., I don't know if this is really right or wrong when they favor their kids a little. I feel like maybe I'm being selfish because I choose to assist (if I'm pushed) instead of manage because it gives me more time to work with my own kid. I don't want to have to deal with parents who don't want to coach but want their boy to play short and pitch every game even if you have 3 guys who are better suited for those positions. So often it's hard for us as parents (and coaches) to be completely honest about our sons abilities.
I feel like the most important thing at this age is to help your kids enjoy the game and continue to develop the skills they need to play where they're best suited.