Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
Any fake phone number a girl gave you should automatically forward your call to her real number.
Garbage should take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you'd need "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that says, "You're #1!"
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking, and help with housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love ***.
The second floor has wives that love *** and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
Posts: 279 | Location: Wisconsin, USA | Registered: January 17, 2003
This blonde is walking down the street with her recently purchased dogs. Both dogs are huge and ferociuos (sp). She runs into her girlfriend and the girlfriend can not believe how big the dogs are.
The girlfriend says to the blonde "What are the dog's names?"......The blonde responds "they are named Rolex and Timex."
The girlfriend says..."Rolex and Timex; what kind of names are those for dogs?"
The blonde responds...."Hellloooo"....they are "Watch" dogs"...
O42
Posts: 460 | Location: WV, USA | Registered: December 30, 2002
A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, a man came down and asked if anyone was sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he said, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
He said "Well actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we havn't been to together since we got married in 1987."
"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No they're all at the funeral."
Posts: 117 | Location: VA | Registered: May 15, 2003
I have just woke up on the floor in front of my PC. I have this terrible Headache, and I felt this Big knot the size of a grapefruit on the back of my Head???? Maybe you guys can help me with this Mystery. I'm drawing a blank. I don't remember much, but I remember that I was on the PC reading the New Men's Only Site on HSBBW. The Wife was talking at me at the same time. We were discussing the new forum layout, and the New Men's Only site. So the conversation went something like this:
Wife; What are you reading now?
EH; Just something on the HS web!
Wife; Are you on there again????
EH; Yea, just reading and writing in the forums!
Wife; Well I like reading the forums, but I don't know if I want to write anything in one.
EH; Why not?
Wife; Oh I don't know, I guess I just don't have much to say!
EH; You have a lot of interesting insight!
Wife; Yes, but I'm not logged in to be able to post.
EH; Why not its easy. I'll help you.
Wife; Yes, but I don't have a catchy name to post with.
EH; Anything will work!
Wife; Like what?
EH; I don't know, something like theQueenMum.
Wife; Why, do I look like Royality???????
EH; OK ahahah, how about TheSnackLady
Wife; NOooo, something short and easy to remember!
EH; Well how about , theTD.
Wife; NOoooooo, This is a Baseball site. Not a Football site.
EH; I know, I go by the Extra Hitter. The EH for short.
You could be the Baseball Honey, and go by.
The BH.
And That's the Last Thing I Remember!!!!!!
Before I Woke Up??????
Posts: 2431 | Location: northern california | Registered: December 17, 2005
Blond, redhead and brunette are all arrested in small dictatorship country. They will all be shot. Redhead suggests creating a deversion and escaping. Redhead is frst and yells out, Tornado. As the firing squad looks up, she escapes. Brunette is next and yells, Lightening. They look up and she escapes. Blond is next and yells, "Fire"
Can we tell suggestive adult jokes without laying down n the gutter?
Sometimes I sits and I thinks, sometimes I just sits. Coachric
Posts: 1119 | Location: Orlando | Registered: December 22, 2005
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary.
So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.
"Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
In case of fire, let the women and children going out first.
Posts: 1332 | Location: Denton County, TX | Registered: July 08, 2005
I have a couple, one is pretty corny but sometimes those are the best..
a bear walks into a bar and says can I have a .......beer?
bartender says, whats with the paws.
a blond a brunette a red head and a man are on an island. they want to get off. the blonde escapes first by swimming 10 miles to the shore. the red head leaves next by using driftwood to float. the brunnete leaves next by making a raft in which she uses to sail off the island. the man laughs and walks across the bridge.
Posts: 13 | Location: Canada | Registered: November 27, 2004
