Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by morons, which are surrounded by quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Gv has no electrons; it is inert. It can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second from four days to four years to complete.
Gv has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not decay, but undergoes reorganization in which some of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Gv's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This new heavy element is only found in Washington. The city has dropped below sea level with this weight.
They have also found a circulating atom called Inactionatron. It is permanently affixed and infused inside Governmentium. I have heard that they have renamed the neutrons to neutertrons. Inside these they have discovered nackertrons. These spin at massive speeds and produce absolutely nothing. Zilch. Bugger all. Nil. These have some effect on the morons. They call this useless spin as spinatronation.
They have also found plenty of greenmatteratron (a derivative from darkmatteratron). It has permeated everything and looks a lot like a dollar sign. We don't see much of this outside Gv. It just can't escape the spinatron.
This new Gv has great powers of attraction. It attracts all what little greenmatteratron there is left in the universe. It also grabs it from the multi-verse. It never seems to leak any out. It stores it up and uses it internally. There is a by product called cr*patron. This can be similar to greedatron. There is much of both excreted from Gv. Much.
We may be able to split this Gv by anti-cr*patron lasers which include small particles called 'voters.' But we need many of them. They can be hard to find and get in large concentrations.
Gv may eventually be destroyed but it can reconstitute itself and continue to attract greenmatteratron which seems to be the center of all that exists.
Gv may warp into another particle version called Administratium.
The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.
----------------------------- Appeared in "The Physics Teacher", January, 1989 Written by William DeBuvitz
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