Hey everyone, it's been around 4 mo. since I've been on here. But after a 15-12 season, I think I need to work on my communication with a particular emphasis on "getting to know" my players. Can someone help me with this? Perhaps with some suggestions?

squeeze - nice to see you back

15-12 is a pretty decent record. Are you suggesting that if you communicated better, you believe your record may have been even better?

I don't have any brilliant suggestions regarding communications. When I was coaching (as an assistant) my style was to try and relate to the kids on their level if possible. I wanted them to have fun but I also wanted them to respect the game and the people they were competing against. Also, sometimes, you just have to tell things the way they are without varnish to make your point.

Squeeze - Welcome back! I think that's an interesting question.

My son's HS program was a very successful one. The coach was very familiar with each and every kid. However, he went to a JUCO last semester where the boys didn't talk with the HC and I'm willing to venture the coach knew almost nothing about each kid personally. That program was also a winning program.

I know for my son - a relationship with his coach is important to him personally. He wants to feel like the coach does care about him as a person (or that's my take on it anyway! LOL). I think that relationship breeds increased bonding amongst the players and an attitude of wanting to cooperate and support "my" coach.

My son is going off to a four year college in the fall. One of the things he liked so much about the coach is that the coach appears involved with his players. He attends football/basketball games with them. His door is always open. He knows the kid's history and the more intimate details of their families. From what we've observed he tells the kids what he expects of them but also allows them to feel he cares about them. All of the coach's behavior (at this particular school) and relationships with their team played a major part in his decision.

Our HS coach exhibited similar behaviors. He is also a teacher at the school. The baseball players and volleyball players (the other team he coaches) hang out in his room before school and appear very comfortable in talking to him. He stops by graduation parties. He teases the kids. The kids will tease him. He challenges the kids. I'm positive that not every kid/family that played for him feel as we do - but for us, he and his family were/are like family to us! We trust(ed) him with caring and teaching my kids.

A stronger relationship between coach and athlete only contribute to a better experience for all involved IMO.

Squeeze - what do you currently do to get know your players or get them to know each other better?

Squeeze, you're going to get me started talking on something I'm very passionate about, so I hope I don't overwhelm you!

You are ahead of the curve by merely asking the question. You realize that the relationship between head coach and the players is often key to the success of the team, and more importantly, key to the enjoyment of the young men playing the game. Team success that comes at the price of the enjoyment of the players isn't worth it. Team success that comes at the price of the players being afraid to make mistakes because they are going to be screamed at on the field, in the dugout and after the game isn't worth it. That's not communication, and it's not coaching, and it's not teaching. It's berating and demeaning. Basically, if something isn't acceptable in the classroom, it isn't acceptable on the field. After all, isn't baseball just a different format for teaching our boys about life?

I would second lafmom's comments about her son's high school coach, because he happens to be my son's high school coach as well. One thing that he does that I find good in any leader, not just a coach, is that he tells every player what he expects his role to be on the team and what expectations he has for a player. I know that my son likes to know what his role is and what the coach expects from him. Don't we all when it comes to our leaders?

Having said that, the next key is to stick to whatever plan you tell the kid. Nothing turns a player off more than promises made by a coach that he's going to start, or he's going to get in a game, or he's going to play a certain position, and then it doesn't happen. If a kid is not a starter, tell him why he isn't and what he needs to do to become one. "You're not good enough to start, I don't know why you're here" isn't helpful. "You're not starting right now but you can get more playing time if you (fill in the blank)" is helpful. Then if the kid does (fill in the blank) follow through and play him more!

Also, it's important that the team know what the goals are every step of the way. I know that may sound self-evident, but it's not. Certainly, everyone wants to win every time they step on the field. However, a high school team playing in a league for a championship is very different than a summer or fall team playing in weekend or week-long tournaments to get their kids exposure to college recruiters and pro scouts.

As the parent of a high school age player, I would thank you again for even asking the question and being concerned about communication. By asking this question you are indicating that you think young men are worthy of being treated with respect. Since the best education comes from imitation, these young men that you teach/coach will probably learn to become respectful, honorable people based on your example.

Good post Jon!

I think that on every sucessful team you will find a coach who has laid out expectations for the team and each player. And it shouldn't just happen in college or beyond, but on all teams, HS, travel, select, etc.
One of son's favorite caoches was his summer travel coach. Before the season began he gathers players and parents and tells it like it is. He gives you an option to decide if it is right or wrong program for you, and he wants you to know ahead of time how he runs his team. He is tough as nails, with a heart of gold. He wanted to know everything he could about each player on and off the field. My son still talks to him to this day and will forever.

Lafmom had great suggestions.

I commend squeeze for coming forward and asking input. The teams success depends on how well you know your players and how comfortable you make them feel without taking away your authority.

How about some time off the field? A team dinner first day. How about questionaires on each player. The more you know about them as people instead of just players, the harder they will work for you and the team's success.

squeeze:

The posing of your question has provided me with the opportunity to vent a bit and, hopefully that will provide you with some answers or at least some thoughts.

I have coached at every youth age level. I started at age 15 as an assistant to my dad, coaching my youngest brother's T-ball age team [in which kids pitched] in 1961. I coached 13-15 age Senior League boys during summers while home from college [1964 to 68]. Got back into it in the mid 1980's coaching High School age boys during summer ball. Had my own children in 1987 and 1988 [both boys] and shifted back into T-Ball ages and coached my brother's daughter until my children reached 5 years old. Coached them through to Little League Majors [11-12 years old]. Then picked up an American Legion Team and coached my sons on that team when they came off their 13-15 Senior league teams [coached by someone else]. Now I am an assistant coach on my youngest son's 17 and under travel team.

What have I learned? First and foremost, it becomes extremely difficult to coach a team for which your son is playing. Every decision has a different background and context. "Why is he playing shortstop instead of me? He said at the beginning that he would try to keep playing time equal but I sit the bench unless I am pitching and his son plays shortstop all the time." At first, I tried to ignore the issue in the hope that if I treated everyone fairly based on their actual talent and ability, as I saw it, there would be no problem. That did not work. Now, I confront the issue head on at the first practice. "You all know my son Chris. Chris will be playing shortstop and sitting the bench his turn. Someone else will play shortstop while he takes his turn sitting the bench. If they show me during that time that they are beter than he is at shortstop then he will be on the bench. Now, who else wants to play shortstop? Raise your hand. Come on guys. Chris will not be playing shortstop every game. Ok. Then I will have to pick someone. You. You will play shortstop when Chris sits the bench."

Next, I usually do a lot better with players I have chosen than with players someone else has chosen. There are exceptions to this, however. The first time I had to manage a team with players I had not chosen was my first year of Little League [9-12 age group]. My oldest son was in T-Ball and 2 years away from Little League so I had no "he favors his son" issues to combat. I inherited a "veteran" team that had 5 12 year olds. They had not been well coached [or, I thought more accurately, coached at all] and were, in a word, terrible at all phases of the game. After a few very frustrating practices, I got them all together and said something akin to the following: "Guys, its like this. I cannot teach you what you need to learn about this game in the time we have to make us competitive. I can, however, teach you one thing about this game that you can take to the next level. I am going to teach you how to hit. That is all we are going to work on before the season starts and while the season is in progress. Any questions? Good." And that is what I did. Our pitching was BP for most other teams and our defense was porous at best and totally inept at worst. But we could hit. And we lost games by 12-8 and 16-13 etc and ended the season 2-18. And no one was chastized for errors or bad plays in the field or pitchers who walked batter after batter but laps were run for taking called third strikes. And it was fun for me, and I think for them many of whom still make it a point to come up to me and talk when they see me in the supermarket with their T-baller. And one of those 5 12 year olds played JUCO baseball.

But my expereince with my first Big League team [high school age] was not as enjoyable. I was asked to assistant coach on a team the was being coached by a father who had a son as a player. He was a good player, a left handed first baseman/pitcher and one of the better hitters. The problem was the other players the same age as the coach's son who were not as good as some of the younger players. He, in my opinion, tended to favor those players because they had played all the way through Little League with his son and his memory of the younger players was when they were 10 and "his Players" were 12 rather than the now 18 and 16 year old age difference. About a third of the way through the season, I at least had convinced him to let the younger players start the second game of a double header while I coached third and he kept the book and he started and coached third for "his players" the first game while I kept the book. The result was that the older players had no respect for me and the younger players had no respect for him. It, fortunately, lasted only one season and, when I was asked to take the team the next year I insisted that I be the manager and that I select who I wanted for asistants. That was agreed to before the first practice. As a reminder, at this point I had no children of my own.

Now, I have allowed myself to get into a similar pickle. I was contacted by the GM of several different age groups area travel teams to help find some players for a 17 and under team that could muster only 7 players from their area high schools. I found 7 more from three high schools in my area and 2 others were added later. The manager of the team was to be the man that had managed the 15 and under team the previous year and the 7 "mustered" players were what was left of that team. Of the 7 players I talked into playing, 5 of them had been coached by me before and knew what i was all about [one of them was my youngest son]. The other 2 were players I had seen play and thought were more than good enough to help this team. The GM [who knew that I had coached American Legion baseball for the past few years] asked me if I wanted to be a coach my son's travel team and I said no. Then the manager calls me up and asks me to coach as a sort of substitute at tournaments and such when his other coaches [all father's of players and all working for a living] could not show up. I, being retired and having time on my hands, said that would be OK. At this point, we had talked on the phone but I had never acutally met the man. I was hoping that I would be coaching only a game here or there.

Today, at the back end of the season, I have coached the vast majority of games and am signed up as coach for this team in the NABF world series next week in Greensboro, NC. The manager and I agree on a surprising [to me at least] amount of strategy type decisions and I am coaching third base now every game I attend. It is the playing time issues with which I have a problem.

First off, my son is playing shortstop and batting leadoff every game except when he sits out his turn. And I am the one that has to keep reminding the manager that it is my son's turn to sit out. So this issue does not involve how often my son is playing.

But there are some position players playing rather critical defensive positions [second base and first base] that are not very good at their position and yet still play there. The manager and I have talked about it and he agrees with my assessment but the playing position/time has not changed. The players involved are two of the 7 players that had played for him the previous year. It is my preception that he is "favoring" those two players at their position to the detriment of our team defense. And yes, the two players that I see as playing in lieu of those two players are 2 of the 7 players I brought in.

Anyway, the season is almost over. Here is the point. Make sure you know who you are joining up with if you are to be the "assistant" coach. As for me, I don't believe I will ever be talked into that situation again. If I ever choose to coach again, I will have to be in charge. I have discovered that, for me anyway, it won't work any other way.

Last but certainly not least, I like to have fun when I coach. In my younger days when winning was somehow more important than it is now, I tended to yell and scream a bit more than I do now [which is almost never]. Now, in the same situation, I kid, I joke, I cajole. "What, you were so mezmerized by the lights that you could not see the ball. When I count to three you will come out of your non-fielding trance and forget all errors you have committed today. One, two three [snap fingers]. Feel better?"

Anyway, that is the way I do things now. I hope some of this has helped. It has been quite therapeutic for me. Thanks for listening. Good luck next year.

TW344

TW344 and John Lex - very nice posts

I have had similar experiences as TW344 although I was never the head coach. It seems to me that many of the aspects you speak of are political in nature and will always be part of the game. These aspects used to frustrate the heck out of me however.

quote:

Last but certainly not least, I like to have fun when I coach. In my younger days when winning was somehow more important than it is now, I tended to yell and scream a bit more than I do now [which is almost never]. Now, in the same situation, I kid, I joke, I cajole.

I resemble those comments

WOW!!!!! Didn't know that there'd be this much feedback. Thanks everyone. I guess to "vent" myself, I have to say I was told by administrators that I need to "build" relationships w/my team.

First off, I don't teach there, I teach at another district, so this makes it hard. But I think my skeptics think my breakdown was how I addressed the kids when they lossed they're fourth 1-run loss in a row. I told them "there's nothing new under the sun, you guys played good again today, but I'm tired of patting you on your back if you feel bad about this . . . you're gonna have to learn how to win these games! Either accept the losses, or learn how to win 'em."

I started between 4-7 sophomores each game, and I really feel that the young ones didn't know how to take me and felt I was being "harsh" on 'em, but I wasn't. I don't even yell!

So, frustration from losing so many close games was settling in, and you all know that athletes go home and "mone" so some parents called the administrators and started to complain that Johnny and some others are frustrated, and Coach was mean to them.

Trust me, I DO want to learn better communication techniques, but I feel that the kids need to know how to let things "roll off the shoulder."

Squeeze one thing you need to understand about players communication with their parents is this. They're 15 and of course it's going to be your fault. You may need to have a conversation with parents as well so they don't just hear the kids version. Your statement was not offensive in any way but a kid may have gone home and told his parents "the coach told us we s u c k" instead of "we need to s u c k it up and get tougher mentally". As a parent I can take a coach being hard on my kid as long as he tells him what he needs to do to get better or what his plan is to help others get better. Communication with parents in the early HS years will help parents make the transition. Parents of most baseball players have been tied into their kids progress for so long it is very frustrating for some to have no coach communication. I think printing off your rules, expectations, philosophy and giving it to parents would help alleviate a lot of those parent complaints later. You just have to get one or two level headed parents on your side to help temper the problem parents. Good luck

T R U S T

Squeeze, I've learned through various life experiences that this word is really the key for all relationships!

In reading these posts, I was reminded of a recent incident with my daughter. The coach hired another assistant. This assistant came with a reputation for not being very nice. Well, sure enough, early on there was an incident with my daughter that I didn't care for. I went to the HC (after waiting a couple of days to really think about things) and explained my concern. I told him that I wanted him to be aware of the situation, but that I might be over-reacting. The reason I might be over-reacting was because I didn't know this woman. I didn't know what her motives were/are regarding my daughter and the girls. I didn't trust her. I didn't trust her because I didn't know her. I also hadn't even taken the time to introduce myself to her!

I realized enough after thinking about things to understand if that very incident had happened with him, it wouldn't have struck a nerve at all. That's because I've known him for years and have complete and total confidence and faith in him. I trust him!

So, if this makes any sense to you at all - some of these issues work themselves out as you and the players continue to build a relationship of mutual trust and respect for one another. Hopefully, your parents are at home thinking and considering this past year as carefully and as objectively as you are.

Squeeze - I sent you a PM

Squeeze......good question, with equally good feedback from so many people.

Having coached for a living my entire adult life, I strongly believe that coaching is about two things more than anything else: teaching and building relationships.

You must first of all be yourself.

You must trust them, and you must be trustworthy (as lafmom says). You must be honest, you must show them that you care about them....as individuals and as a team.

The better your relationships are with them, the tougher you can be on them.......the better your relationships are with them, the easier it is to teach them.........and on and on and on.

Be yourself, believe in your players, never measure their worth by talent or wins/losses. Establish two-way communication with them......don't be afraid to joke around with them, don't be afraid of admitting your mistakes to them......apologize when appropriate.......learn to love them.

Very similar to the rest of the relationship we have in our lives!!

Beezer, just emailed you.

Trust me everyone, I'll work on my communication, and probably the most important element outside of that is . . . time!

squeeze - the mailman must've lost it?

quote:

Originally posted by squeeze:
Beezer, just emailed you.

Never got it.