Things have been a little slow in here for awhile, so I thought I'd try to "liven" it up a bit by throwing out a question. I truly believe the adage "everything happens for a reason". BUT...if you could go back and change ANYTHING as it pertains to your son, or yourself, and your experiences with baseball (ie, paths chosen, situations handled, attitudes, reactions, etc.) WITHOUT it changing how things ultimately turned out......what would you change? It is time for us to experience the "perfect world"

I'll start out with a few....

1. I would had found the HSBB site a few months earlier than I did...so that it could have helped us thru the recruiting process better. Instead, we blindly navigated it.

2. I would have encouraged my son to stick with a "multi-sport" year longer into his high school years than he did. In hindsight, I do not feel giving up wrestling or s*o*c*c*e*r to concentrate on baseball was as necessary as we all thought at the time.

3. I would realize to not take some of the "setbacks" so seriously. So what if he didn't make the area travel team as a 12 year old? So what if he missed the all-star game as a 13 year old because he was on crutches? So what that he didn't go out in the blaze of glory that we had all expected him to his senior year of high school? Too much wasted angst on things that ultimately did not matter in the grand scheme of things.

4. In hindsight, I am SURE I would trust my son's judgement more when it comes to MANY things, but particularly when it comes to handling team dynamics and personalities.

Okay...any other contributors to a "perfect world" or......"what I learned the hard way"?

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Things have been a little slow in here for awhile

Indeed. Excellent topic.

I am going to have to agree with you that we tend to make things more "angst-filled" than necessary. I have gotten better with this over time - I think For example, I used to get ticked when my sons didn't bat in the order where I thought they should. Now, any position in the order is a cherished thing

I am starting to view adversity as a positive thing or tool if you will. Some of the roadblocks my son has faced has made him a better player. Not sure there is much I would change in that regard.

I am fairly sure my response here might have been different if my son had not played an inning this year as it looked in the beginning. As it stands, I am fairly relieved things turned out the way they did - both before college and now in college.

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For example, I used to get ticked when my sons didn't bat in the order where I thought they should. Now, any position in the order is a cherished thing

Isn't that funny....that seems to be a very common "irritant" to many parents (myself included...in a previous life ). However, you are absolutely right....ANY position in the order is a cherished thing!

Luvbb - This is an excellent question!

I have to agree about finding HSBBW! I think the information here on the site could have benefitted my son earlier and wish I would have found it before he was already a senior.

However, with that said, I'm a BIG believer in things happening for a reason. Any adversity I've ever had or son has ever had has turned out to be a blessing in disguise!

I shared in another thread that this past year wasn't all he'd hoped it would be as far as playing time. However, he ended up able to RS - still has that year of eligibility. He learned a tremendous amount of info about pitching and hitting. He got his feet wet in the academic world of college. I think he has a lot to feel blessed about to be honest!

So, all that said, I don't think he or I would change anything. Our past is what makes us who we are - the blessings and the challenges.

lafmom - very nice post

I would have to agree with everything you said.

Richard Nixon once said, after resigning from office, that a man has to experience the lowest valleys in order to appreciate the highest peaks. I have always believed in that and thus, it would be very hard to go back and change things - even if I could. Your young man has indeed had a fine year at college

I most certainly agree, if there is one thing we have all learned (the hard way!)is that any at-bat, any inning pitched, is a good thing. Any time spent "between the lines" is to be treated as precious.

We would have surely benefitted from finding this site much earlier. I needed much of this advice (and perspective)about 7 years ago when my middle son was a junior in HS. We navigated the process all by ourselves, and I'm sure we botched a lot of things. When folks come to me looking for advice now, I say simply, "go to the HSBBW and read, read, read!"

I have had conflicting thoughts about the multi-sport question. It depends a lot on the player and his interests. Playing high school sports is a special experience, and I think the memories last for a lifetime. As long as the player understands that he MAY be limiting his development in baseball, and he is OK with that, then I say he should go for it. My middle son treasures his high school football experience (even more than his HS baseball experience)and feels that it complemented his baseball skills. My youngest was baseball-only and is quite happy with that. Also, I think this is a different situation in the Northern states, where one cannot play baseball year round. In the South, multi-sport athletes in high school are a rare thing.

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I am starting to view adversity as a positive thing or tool if you will. Some of the roadblocks my son has faced has made him a better player. Not sure there is much I would change in that regard.

I am fairly sure my response here might have been different if my son had not played an inning this year as it looked in the beginning. As it stands, I am fairly relieved things turned out the way they did - both before college and now in college.

Boy CD I couldn't agree with you more on both of these. Every day I am learning the truth in the "its not where you start but how you finish" adage.

If there was one thing that we might have done different it would have been to focus more on specific schools of interest and attended camps versus the shotgun approach of going to many showcases. The showcases are great to generate initial interest but I believe that unless you are a top name prospect you need to show the school you are interested in them before they will go much further in the recruiting process.

Fortunately things have worked out ok so far.

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I have had conflicting thoughts about the multi-sport question. It depends a lot on the player and his interests. Playing high school sports is a special experience, and I think the memories last for a lifetime. As long as the player understands that he MAY be limiting his development in baseball, and he is OK with that, then I say he should go for it.

Lhpx2...the more I've thought about this, in our particular situation, the sports my son played actually helped him out baseball wise. Why? Well, he's a catcher. I REALLY believe he got ALOT of that catcher "bulldog" mentality from his years wrestling. I also think it helped with the footwork and the ability to not be timid of getting knocked around. S*o*c*c*e*r? He was a goalie (granted, the reason he initially chose goalie as an 8 year old was so that he didn't have to run around as much as the other kids during the hot months! ) Again, balls coming at you that need to be caught or blocked. Opponents bearing down on you. Alot of skills of catching he got from the two other sports he participated in. But yes, the danger is always there of getting hurt in your non-primary sport and ruining any chances of furthering your baseball career. But remember....the question I posed was "In a Perfect World" ...what would you change?".....so "injuries" are out of the equation!

Yes, injuries are a danger whenever you enter a field of play, no matter the sport. Frankly, even walking down the street! So let's take injuries out of the equation.

I'm a big multi-sport advocate. For just the reasons you cited, luvbb, you can learn so many things from playing other sports. And even if the skills are not totally transferable, I think the players benefit from being in true competitive situations as often as they can. So playing a fall sport, rather than just "working out" for baseball can be advantageous. And because you are working different muscles, you can avoid some of the overuse injuries you can get if you play just baseball all year round.

But not all kids are the same. My youngest son really enjoyed concentrating on the one sport, while the middle and older ones enjoyed the variety of playing more than one competitively.

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But not all kids are the same.

luvbb. Thanks for a wonderful topic. let me see here. Regrets. I've had a few. But then again; too few to mention. I did what I had to do. I state my case; without . . . wait a minute. Let me start again.

Several issues were discussed by my wife and I early on [i.e. when are children were quite young] and decisions were reached. Looking back, I think we were more lucky than astute but the results that were directly caused by those decisions have been worth it. And the fact that my wife and I both agreed in advance on the decisions with eyes wide open as to the sacrifices that might need to be made has made all the difference in mutually meeting and accepting the challanges and obstacles that inevitably confronted the two of us.

1. Actually, I found hsbaseballweb early on [the summer between my youngest son's freshman and sophomore year] and for almost two years just read the posts and articles; never contributing to or starting any threads. It has been invaluable in so many ways and I, like others have already said, try to send anyone that has any aspirations for themselves their sons or their players of playing baseball "at the next level" to read all the posts, old and new, on this site.

2. On the question of multiple sports we decided to put them in only baseball when they were very young [age 5 was the beginning for the youngest, age 6 for the oldest]. There were many reasons given for the initial concentration on one sport [my favorite sport and the one I knew the most about] but the bottom line was our selfish desire to have time to vacation, go camping, etc. with our young children and not be going from season to season with no "family time" in between. When the desire to play basketball in addition to baseball was expressed by our oldest [4th grade] we agreed. The next year, the team needed an extra player and so our youngest was drafted to play basketball [he was a 2nd grader playing against 4th and 5th graders with his older brother]. The memories of those games are priceless. Both boys played basketball through high school and my oldest son lettered his junior and senior year and the youngest has lettered in his sophomore and junior year so far. He will play basketball again this year as a senior.

Football came up when our oldest was in the 7th grade and he played one year [finishing the year out] and never wanted to play football again. The youngest wanted to play football when he was 12 and played 3 games before he had to quit due to frequent and severe migrane headaches after games. He again wanted to play football his 9th grade year and we consented with a concession extracted from him that if the migranes reoccurred, he would have to stop and it would be our decision, not his, that would control. He had no problems and will be playing football in the 2006 season for his 4th straight year, his 3rd as a varsity starter. He loves his head football coach and his teamates and has learned the concepts of teamwork, discipline,leadership and that hard work pays off more from his football experience than his high school baseball experience.

As far as "benefiting" from the other sports from a physical standpoint I have not seen any advantage there with either son. In fact, I must constantly remind the youngest that doing squats with a lot of weight on his back and shoulders and ab crunches, while great for football, is both dangerous and counterproductive for his baseball goals. Finally, after many "discussions" with the football "strength and conditioning coach" he has agreed to leave our son alone and let him do his own thing with regard to off-season and summer weightlifting programs.

3. Setbacks will occur and how both the family and the son react and adjust to each setback should be a critical life lesson. Also, I might suggest that we must make sure expectations are not so high that setbacks become automatic, frequent and, therefore, a constant source of consternation.

4. My input on the topic of my son's judgement has me in fits right now. Because he is involved in three sports year round there is little time for visiting colleges as a family, evaluating colleges as a family and narowing down choices to a managable number. Throughout this process I, being retired and at home all day long, have done all the research, contact, letter writing, filling out of questionaires, phone calling, unofficial college visits, etc. Though I tell my wife and my son what I am doing step by step my son has approached it from "I trust your judgement. You know what I want."

Well, the proof will soon be in the pudding, as my late father used to say. In two weeks my working wife, my summer travel ball playing son and I will all head down south to play in a Perfect Game Showcase in Florida and, on the way back to West Virginia, visit three of the four out of state colleges I have choosen as his "options". I am imagining all sorts of scenarios from my son saying I "Dad, I love all these places. Lets apply to all four and I will go to the one we get the best finiancial aid package from" to "Dad, these colleges all suck. How could you possibly think I would like any of them. You must think I am an idiot" and all things in between. Right now I feel like if I had to do it over, I would involve my son more directly in the research rather than distill it down for him as I went along. But then again, if I get the first response or something close to that, then I will have been a genius and I would reccomend that aproach to everyone else. We shall see.

There are two other catogories that I might suggest for discussion on this topic.

5. Parental involvement. If I had it to do over again, I would have more conversations with my son's high school head coach. Discussions regarding what I want him to learn from his high school baseball experience, what I don't want him doing, etc. I had not done that until this year with his travel ball coach. He contacted me to ask if my son would play for him. I took that opportunity to rant for about 20 mminutes on what I did not like about his high school coaches, coaching him myself for two years and so forth. This man patiently listened and then told me his plans for my son, how he saw him fitting it to his program, etc. After some more discussion and a face to face meeting, I knew we had reached an accord and my son was in good hands. What a relief it will be to simply watch the games knowing that every decision this coach makes to take my son out or put him in or play him here or there has been considered with those discussions in mind. Are there others out there like me who regret not saying more earlier on?

6. Personal Instructor. I might have let my ego get in the way of my son's development as a complete baseball player. Living in West Virginia there are not a lot of ex-major league players chomping at the bit to help young kids at a reaonable price so I worked with my son on hitting, playing middle infield and those things i knew something about. But next year he will be expected to pitch in the high school rotation [something he has not had to do in the past because of the emphasis on developing the current graduating seniors as pitching prospects with a corresponding lack of development of the younger players]. So he needs to learn to pitch without hurting his arm. Something I should have anticipated and [since I know next to nothing about how to accomplish that] should have hired someone to do when he first said "Dad, I want to play baseball in college." But, at least I am looking for someone to work with him this winter in preparation for next season.

Again, an excellent topic and I have said quite enough. Thanks for listening.

TW344

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I know that some college coaches like for their high school recruits to play several sports.

We found that coaches who were looking primarily for good "athletes" looked favorably on the multi-sport kid for that reason. Those who wanted the highly skilled "baseball player" were interested in the kid who concentrated on baseball exclusively. Again, we saw a difference between the North and the South.Northern coaches seemed to value the multi-sport athlete, whereas the Southern coaches generally want the baseball-only player.

Kids need to do what they want to do and not over-worry what college coaches are looking for. Then I think they will be happy with the way things work out, not matter what.

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Are there others out there like me who regret not saying more earlier on?

No. But that is just my personal style. There are obviously many ways to skin the same cat. I always felt it was my son's responsibility to learn how to interact with the coach. I would talk to the coach if they approached me but my basic policy was to leave things to them. Of course, if I had felt there was a safety issue involved, i.e., over pitching someone, then I would have said something but fortunately never had to deal with that issue.

Very nice post TW344 - I enjoyed reading it

TW -- I also enjoyed reading your post. And it provides an excellent example of just letting things evolve with your child and his interests rather than trying to micro-manage the process. Somehow it works out for everyone.Good luck with those college visits, and I'm sure you'll keep us informed.

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5. Parental involvement. If I had it to do over again, I would have more conversations with my son's high school head coach. Discussions regarding what I want him to learn from his high school baseball experience, what I don't want him doing, etc. I had not done that until this year with his travel ball coach.

TW...thanks for the post AND the additional thoughts to ponder. In our experience, when it came to SCHOOL teams...we had (and STILL have) little to no communication with the coaches. However, on travel or select teams where we had more options as to IF our son would play on one team vs. a different team...then we had a more open dialogue with those coaches. Not that we set a list of demands for the coach, by any stretch of the imagination. But, my husband did talk to those coaches more about how they were planning on using our son on those particular teams. We definetly felt more clued in on those teams. For some reason tho, we always felt school teams were "off limits" to us. Not sure whether that is a right or wrong approach...just how it was. Maybe we felt they were "hands off" for us because there were no other options during the school year if our son wanted to play ball. So we definetly did not want to rock the boat for him. I'm sure there are probably some school coaches that welcome parental interaction????

Regarding your comment about doing ALL the research, contacting, letter writing, etc. for your son's college recruiting. Sorry...that gave me a chuckle because "Been there, done that" myself! Like I said before, we found this sight a week AFTER my son verbally committed to his school. I KNEW we were in some trouble when I first approached my son, who had told me he had narrowed down his school choices to the SOUTH and WEST! Went out and bought one of those HUGE college directories and told him I would HELP him get letters out if he would go thru the book and notate the schools he was interested in. Hmmmmm......135 schools later.....Needless to say, he needed someone to help him steer the ship....which eventually led him to a school that was neither SOUTH or WEST (as the avatar indicates! ). It was a circuitous journey that only a mom and her son without a navigation system could journey! Good luck on your trip to Florida and your college visits...I hope they show your son that you are indeed a genius. Please let us know how they turn out!

TW344, very interesting and thoughtful post. You are going about the baseball things much differently than we did. In retrospect, to be honest, I do not think there is one right way to maximize a son's chances of playing in college and having a successful baseball experience in college.
If I had anything to do anything over again, I would have worried less. I now realize the issue of playing in college is truly based on the talent of your son and finding a coach who appreciates that talent.
The larger issues are how your son adapts, grows and flourishes within that college and baseball environment.
I will suggest an area of concern I detect from reading your post.
Playing baseball in college is a place that parents really need to let go. It is our son's responsibility to manage his time, make every 6am weight session, keep his grades, address and manage social issues, distractions and pressures; they need to deal with competition of the quality and intensity never before experienced, manage issues of playing time and issues with coaches and teammates, and usually deal with these when they are in a completely new and foreign environment. They are going to make some mistakes in that process and their level of confidence is likely to be challeged as never before.
To me, the biggest issue isn't making sure they are baseball ready when they head to college. College coaches make those judgements. If they think your son can play, they will provide the coaching without any parental input whatsoever.
The major challenge for a parent, in my view and based on experience, is recognizing you are sending your son to college for them to begin the process of living and developing independently. We need to "let go," need to have them know we need to "let go," and while we are "letting go," we must let them know it is out of love for them. Having done your best to provide them with all the skills necessary to anticipate what is coming for them, and then watching them use those skills to learn, mature and flourish as a person, student and baseball player is, to me, the true reward of being the parent.
When your son is in high school going through the recruiting/college selection process, it is almost impossible to anticipate the challenges that lie ahead for them by choosing or being selected to be a collegiate student athlete. As parents, rather than trying to do the "process" for them, I feel we do them a much better service by helping them learn what is coming and trying to make sure they have the skills and confidence to manage and succeed, by making their own decisions and judgements, when when they set foot on that college campus as a freshman and face all those challeges on a daily basis.