Been doing some soul searching lately due to an unusually difficult beginning for my son this baseball season. Seems I'm VERY good at doling out advice to him....and I do believe it is VERY good advice . But the other night as I was stressing out, yet again, over the difficulties he is facing it occurred to me....why is it so easy for me to give my son advice on handling situations, yet I can't seem to follow my own advice?
Background....son is red-shirt sophomore/catcher, 11 months out from Tommy John surgery. Has played in 5 games so far this season, three at catcher/2 at DH. Batting is abysmal so far. Blocking well at the plate but has a couple of throwing errors.
I tell him....relax, it will all come back to him, he basically has a new arm that he has to learn to trust in game situations, he's been away from the game for a year, it takes some time for it all to come back.
Good advice? I think so. So why can't "I" follow my own advice. I'm going to make a conscious effort to do exactly THAT. However, got me to thinking....is it easier for us as parents to dole out the advice than to follow it ourselves? Any experiences anyone would like to share? Sure would help ME feel better knowing that I'm not the only parent smart in so many ways, yet not so smart at other times!
Posts: 2634 | Location: Pennsylvania | Registered: December 30, 2002
Luvbb - It's almost always easier to give advice than to live by it! So many things are "easier said than done".
I think we give our kids the advice that we want them to live by, to try and ease their paths. We want to carry the burdens for them, so we give the sweet words all the while letting our own minds run wild! Just the way it works I believe!
I can say, that I, as a parent, have learned so much from the experiences of others here on the site. I hope my son doesn't ever have to deal with injuries in college. However, if he does, I've seen so many people handle it with grace, poise, and an understanding that they will come back. It's a long journey and one that requires much patience I'm sure - for the kids and parents.
Posts: 5357 | Location: Kentucky | Registered: December 30, 2004
Good question luvbb. I generally would not ask my son to do anything that I would not be willing to do although the circumstances are much different between me and him so I would have to analogize somewhat. For instance, my team experiences mostly have been formed at work where sometimes you have to perform for the betterment of the "work team" as opposed to yourself. It is very easy to give advice and sometimes hard to live up to it as lafmom suggests. Oftentimes, the advice I try and give is in the form of what may happen if different alternatives or paths are taken and let him make the decision from there.
I also know it is always possible to give advice that I personally may have trouble living up to but at the same time it still may be the correct advice to give. None of us are perfect, but it doesn't mean we can't always strive to follow the "most" correct course of action given the circumstances at hand.
There is the rub luvbb It was noted above that I am far from perfect. A true team player does whatever he is able to do to help the team - not just what he is willing to do. I often find my son is better at following my advice than I am
luvbb.....I don't know of anyway to stop hurting....when I think my son is hurting.....bottom line......if you find a way.....please pass it on.....I would be most appreciative....
"A house stays in one place. A home is where the heart leads........"
Posts: 1571 | Location: NorthCarolina | Registered: June 16, 2004
What a great question and more importantly what a great way to let out all the emotions, thoughts and fears associated with being the parent of a son playing collge baseball.
For me this is an on going struggle for many reasons. With having coached my son and 13 others who are now playing in college, these issues never came up. I was the one always in control of what was going on and knew there skills, personalities and mental make up. When they were struggling, any one of them, I could help them through it pretty easily. I always taught them to "be confident, be "even keel", keep working hard and ALWAYS, ALWAYS play for you and your TEAMMATES. If you do that you'll over come many obsticles and be successful. At some point I stopped being a coach and started being more of a father to me son. I started focusing on HIS goals, HIS needs, HIS successes, HIS failures. I seemd to start judging what was said or done and I really lost sight of all I have taught those boys. I didn't really realize this until I read this topic that luvbb was so nice to start. I had to do some "reflection" about all of this and with a few conversations with my son, I realized that he is fine, he is doing great, he is having fun and HE HAS HIS HEAD ON STRIAGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING, he isn't as concerned as I am about everything and he truly has become a man before my eyes. Now when I say to him... "let it go, you know this is a game of failure and if you are 35% offensively and 90% defensively you are going great. Just keep your focus and don't hang your hat on the good times more than the bad times you will win out in the end. Remember a "team" is a sum of pieces and every piece has it's place/job to make that team whole, lose a piece and you have a huge opening"...I will be able to say that, feel it and know he is going to be fine in the end. When he is concerned or needs some help or advice, he will ASK and I won't have to be the one asking. I realized that he didn't need me agonizing over any of it when I asked him yesterday if I could bring my "fungo" with on vacation. He says "NO, just be a dad, enjoy the ride and time off work". If you need to hit fungos, go find some 8 yr olds and teach them what you taught me and the other guys.
Posts: 327 | Location: Schaumburg, IL transplanted to the Sunny Southwest....AZ | Registered: May 03, 2003
luvbb...thanks but I think him and his mom should get the pats on the back. I think they are molding me more than me molding him...lol
As far as Joe's hitting, Brian still isn't totally back to where his ability is as a hitter. Having a full year off without seeing live pitching is very tough. It will take Joe some time and patience to get it back. I tell Brian that right now it is about the quality of the at bat not the results. His timing is still off a little but he feels it is getting better by the day. Don't anguish over Joe's hitting it is like walking, one step at a time and before you know it he will be running....around the bases
Posts: 327 | Location: Schaumburg, IL transplanted to the Sunny Southwest....AZ | Registered: May 03, 2003
. But the other night as I was stressing out, yet again, over the difficulties he is facing it occurred to me....why is it so easy for me to give my son advice on handling situations, yet I can't seem to follow my own advice? 
