Jealousy as we all know is a horrible thing. Everyone has experienced it at one time or another at the baseball field; especially if you have a son playing. I know there are folks in the HSBBWEB family that have seen it or experienced it.

We all love this game and that is why we come here. But, unfortunately we have to talk about the bad things too. I ask to talk about this not to disrespect the game, but maybe to help folks that have not experienced jealousy yet but if they hang around enough they will.

Please share your stories, situations and how you handled them; your experiences will help all of us.

O42

Orioles - interesting question. When I first read it my thoughts were of how lucky we were to not to have to deal with any of that stuff. My son had a wonderful HS experience.

However, after I thought for a minute, I remembered that yes, he did and I did. My son was very fortunate to be able to be a key player for the HS at an early age. When I remembered back to those years, I remembered a couple of incidents.

What strikes me now though, is that I didn't even think of those without really exploring back. For me, there's a lesson in there. Half empty/half full thing I guess. It's so easy to remember when people aren't nice to us or our kids. However, it's a much better place to realize that you moved beyond and conquered any hateful and petty folks.

I wonder if we have kids out there now that might face resentment from other players or parents because of their success - I'd say we probably do. May they have the attitude, drive, and strength to overcome any of those obstacles. There's no better way to quieten critics than to perform well!

lafmom,

Thanks for the 1st of I hope many posts on this issue. I certainly do not want to dredge up bad memories, but this kind of thing occurs more often than I believe we care to admit. Like you said, you had to think back.

I wished I had a dime for every time I heard....folks at HS games slamming another player and/or the parents. I go back from time to time to enjoy a game at my son's old HS and most folks don't care or know who I am (not that it matters). He graduated in 2001 and there are all new parents and players. But, my point is I can stand near the backstop with the bleachers not far away and listen to parents rundown another player on the team.

I know it happens but the majority of the time, when I see who is being talked about or torn down, it is the kid that has got a pretty good game.

O42

To avoid the thoughtless remark made by a parent when they don't know( or maybe don't care) that you are standing right behind them, I keep the official scorebook upstairs in the "press box" (a cement structure above the dugout)and my husband often does the commentary and scoreboard. Keeps the blood pressures on an even keel.

Interesting question for sure...makes one reflect.

My son had to deal with that issue from the time he was 11. Not sure if it was jealousy to start but for some of his "old teammates" it still goes on. He was the unfortunate son of the "coach". So everyone assumed he was in the "loop" of what was going on and had a part in the decisions. Fortunately they were wrong. He had to earn his way just like everyone else, I even told him there was no gaurntee he would make the team if he wasn't good enough.
In HS people still made the comments that he was starting on Varsity as a junior because of "his dad"...lol..I didn't hardly talk to the coach because I didn't like his style...even though the coach and I graduated from the same HS a few years apart, I never cared for him. Now that he is in college playing , the same hand full of players say "he is only playing because of his dad"...lol..I have had one 30 minute conversation with his coach...last May to set up travel arrangements for his visit.
I can only assume that these thoughts from the other players are out of jealousy for him being dedicated, talanted and still persuing HIS dreams...or from comments made by their fathers because they were disappointed that their own sons didn't work as hard...hmmm. What is interesting to me is when he interacts with players he use to play against, he has a much better "friendship" because it is based on mutual respect.
I think the comments had more of an impact on me than him. He'd just shrugged it off with a "whatever", "who cares", "doesn't matter", "thats their problem"...he knows he has to earn everything he gets.....plain and simple

What everyone has written so far is on the money. Although I know that these things bother players in different ways, I have to agree that I believe it bothers the parent the most.

The players that get it the worst are the ones that play for their father's. No matter how good they are the reason they are where they are at is because of their dad....he is the coach. I believe that in most cases that is NOT the case.

O42

We never cared much about the backstabbing and politics. We knew it was a way of life where we lived and expected it.

But some stuff was harder to deal with.

My son - and indirectly my wife, my younger son and I - had a very bad go of it when my eldest was in high school.

It really ruined the whole experience for us - and it wasnt just his own high school - but many high schools in the same county (in NY)

Example:
He got knocked unconscious once - in a big game (Section Championship quarterfinal in 2003) in the 1st inning on a cheap shot - knee to the temple when he was stealing 2nd base and slid head first. Blatant.

The opponents crowd (about 700 of them) - many cheered and many cursed him. Mostly parents. Players on the other team - the SS/3b and 2B slapped high fives when they realized he was knocked unconscious.

My wife starting crying. My younger son was irate. But I just watched for a couple minutes and felt better once I realized he was waking up and his neck wasnt messed up.

I also knew that some members of the other team were going to be in for a very very bad time if he got up and his coach let him stay in the game.

He did - and he was not a very happy person at that point. He played the remainder of the game very "aggressively". LOL
We enjoyed his performance and some of the ensuing collisions - as well as his teams' victory.

And when the game was over - all of his gutless opponents and their gutless fans left quickly - like little baby mice running away from a cat.

That was a great example of our 4 years at that place.

The good news is the summer/fall experiences were great - and we look back on them fondly.

Its & CD,

Great stories and exactly what I was talking about.

CD......In a 14-5 win, if your son had not had 10 rbi's you would have lost the game 5-4. Remarkable offensive day for Ty to say the least. Also a lot of class displayed by the other coach.

O42

wow It's, those are some brutal fans

our HS experience was pretty uneventful regarding tension or jealousy within our players & parents. Our coaches did some nutty things, but thats another story.

regarding opponents? I think pre HS travel/select really helped there.

Andy had played with or against all the better players from other HS's and there was a fiendship/respect with former team-mates, and a competitive respect with former opponents.

add to that the parents familiarity with ex team-mate parents AND opponents parents,
and it was kinda mellow.

that's my recollection, my wife's might be quite different


.

Bee>,

Your experiences don't surprise me at all. I often felt there were some influential apples in our baseball community who spoiled the pot for the majority.

Bee brings up a good point. By the time HS varsity ball rolled around, we knew many of the good players on all the teams, either because we had played WITH them in the summer or had played against them so often we had gotten to know them (and often their families on the sidelines). That really does mellow out the negative comments. I guess by that time, many of the really negative folks and their kids are long gone.

I had an interesting experience that falls under the Daddy Ball category. My son's coach for the City AAA team also had a LHP son. He is a very good pitcher and plays D1 NCAA (soph).
We were playibg in the biggest tournament on the comming weekend called "The Eliminations" My son was scheduled to start on the Friday game and the coaches son the Saturday game. The weather forcast came out sunny Friday and pouring rain allday Sat. Well the coaches son started Friday and my son was switched to Saturday and did it pour ?
During my son's outing the game was stopped to pour quick Dry and then it resummed . He looked like a drowned rat but he kept his head in the game. I noticed a guy standung 3 feet behind me from the 2nd inning on for the rest of the game. When it was over he stepped forward and introduced himself as a College coach and offered my son a starting position on his team. I queried that, that was a disgusting game and he said he saw all he needed to see. No one else had any offers that weekend.

BHD,

Sure is strange how them last minute decisions are made sometimes

Seriously, your story has a nice sense of poetic justice as well

quote:

by BHD: introduced himself as a College coach and offered my son a starting position on his team. I queried that, that was a disgusting game and he said he saw all he needed to see.

wow, that's some goood karma, especially if he thought he was gonna see the lefty that day


oh, also regarding the jelousy issue & pre hs travel ball, in addition to the respect friendship deal from summer teams - most of those kids further broke down community barriers/competition as soon as they could drive

hey, when a parent is partially responsible, for the care & feeding of players on opposing HS teams, it's impossible not to cheer them on


.

One thing is important to note - no matter what bad things happen - no matter what "expert" says your kid cant make it to the next level - no matter what - if you really love the game - (and all the lessons it has taught you and yours) - your enthusiam for it will never fade.

IMO.

quote:

One thing is important to note - no matter what bad things happen - no matter what "expert" says your kid cant make it to the next level - no matter what - if you really love the game - (and all the lessons it has taught you and yours) - your enthusiam for it will never fade.

itsinthegame,

That is a nice thought. My thoughts above in this thread are distant memories. They'll always be with me but I am not bitter. The love of the game has overcome.

I have to agree with Lhpx2, her experiences in high school mirror ours. By the time my son got to highschool.....thru his years of playing on various travel teams....he KNEW more of the players on the opposing teams than the coach probably did. They always seemed to find it humorous when they found themselves on opposing teams on the field. So we never encountered any animosity....and any feelings of jealousy that MIGHT have existed were successfully kept in check and not visibly apparent to me.

The few times when parental behavior REALLY bothered me while my son was in school locally, I found the BEST way I could handle it was by acting like it didn't bother me at all. Don't cheer for my son when you are cheering for all the others? Have something negative to say about my son? Applying a different standard to my son than his team mates? That's okay....I'm just going to cheer LOUDER for ALL the kids on the team (including the complainer's son), and I'm gonna do it where YOU can hear me! Actually, I always cheer for all my son's teammates..so it wasn't THAT big of a challenge for me! But for some reason, it just felt better!

quote:

That's okay....I'm just going to cheer LOUDER for ALL the kids on the team (including the complainer's son), and I'm gonna do it where YOU can hear me!

Really nice point. I didn't discuss coping mechanisms but this was one that worked for me as well.

CD...well as far as "coping mechanisms" that worked....I should probably add the few glasses of wine I had once I got home from the game!

My AD called me into the office one day. He said my team had a problem (we were 26-2 at the time of this conversation). He said that the parents were forming cliques in the stands, one of the cliques were becoming negative, and that I needed to do something about it.

I told him that during games, I tend to focus on matters pertaining to the field (see 26-2 record as evidence). I told him at the next game to point out the two groups...I mean cliques...to me.

Well, lo and behold there were two groups of parents sitting together at the game. One group had 9 sets of parents...their kids were starters. The other group had 6 sets of parents...their kids were not starters. I asked him if I could guess which group was the negative one as both groups sat quietly in between innings. When I "guessed" that the smaller group of parents were the "negative clique" that he had mentioned, he was astonished that I "guessed" correctly. He said, "coach, I thought you did not pay attention to what goes on in the stands?" I told him, "I don't, but those are the parents of the 6 kids that are sitting here next to me."

What a nimrod! Did I mention that our AD was the basketball coach? Then I told him that I was hungry and to go and get me one of those sausage-on-a-stick from the concession stand...they sure smell good!!!

The last sentence was added for comedic effect, the rest of the story, is true. By the way, we won that game to go 27-2. Finished 30-4, lost in State final. Had another conversation where nimrod basketball AD had a list of 12 things wrong with the baseball program. Oh yeah, 8 kids got D1 scholarships, 2 played on a National Championship team at Texas, and two are in professional baseball.

Ignore the haters!!!